{12 in 13} March

Life was good. I had decided to try a simple approach to growth, goal-setting, life. I picked one big "thing" to focus on for each month of this year... Then I joined two Bible studies. And had a second child. And Sean had his wisdom teeth out in early January, which ended up including infection and two additional oral surgeries to rectify it.  We've gone to Hawaii twice, in February and March, to visit Nalani. Sean is taking classes for his master's degree in apologetics-- not easy classes, and his only opportunity to work on them is in the evenings/weekends. In addition to having a new baby, we have a two-year-old whose language of love is quality time.

It's been a busy year so far.

January's goal, potty train Caleb, is staring me in the face.
February's goal, share love, was a smashing success.
March's goal, start a garden, is still waiting to become reality.

I am realizing I never thought through what I would do if I didn't meet my goal in a given month. Keep it on the plate and try to do two "big things" at once the following month? Discard it and move on? Keep it on the back burner in case I finished another month's goal early, and only attempt it in that case, so I'm still doing one "big thing" at a time? In Caleb's situation, ignoring it is not an option. :)

I'll admit I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I was doing great with the tempo of my schedule until we went to Hawaii last week (16-23 Mar). I was even getting all my homework done for both Bible studies! But now I am thinking something has to go. Probably the first, best option would be to slash Facebook/online time. I have the nasty habit of "rewarding" myself with some veg time during Caleb's nap, because "I've earned a break." The "just checking my email" usually turns into 1-2 hours of FB and online browsing, following links to articles that are often useful, but become time-wasters when I have not earmarked that time to read online articles. Or I'll get lost in researching a debate, whether it's the safety of prenatal ultrasounds, or the evils of refined sugar, you name it. There is so much "information" out there, much of it conflicting, it's hard to know what the "right" answer is.

A second way I could recapture some time is to get up earlier. That has also been a particular challenge since we returned, with jet lag hindering my attempts to get up at a reasonable time. Not that I was very disciplined before our trip. I honestly don't know how to change. My willpower is not exactly stellar when half-asleep and my body's in the habit of wanting more sleep.

A third option, concurrent with the others, is to prayerfully consider (again) what God would have my priorities be. I want to regain that clarity and purposefulness in my daily life, instead of seeing everything in front of me, all the time, and feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I want to focus on one thing at a time, even one task at a time, and enjoy the time I do have. Especially time with the kids. Instead of seeing them as an obstacle to productivity, I want to see them as a gift I have the responsibility to steward well, for the Lord. I'm training and shaping precious human beings' character, all day long, under the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. What a high responsibility.

All that being said.... today was Day One of earnestly working on potty skills with Caleb. After a few hours of hanging out in the bathroom half-naked, he has peed in the potty once. And on the floor three times, in far greater quantity than what made it into the potty. :) But still. I think it's progress. The other day he said he wanted to learn to be potty trained and not use diapers. That is progress. He has been resisting even conversation about it until recently.

For a couple hours I had tried the "sit on the potty every 30 minutes" technique which didn't seem to be very effective. We're going to try the technique of 10 minutes on the potty, five-minute break... for a few hours at least, maybe a couple days running. I only did that once this morning (10 mins. on), and that is when he peed a little bit into the potty. A few minutes later he peed a LOT on the floor, but that's okay. The process has begun. Thankfully, he is an exceptional toddler who will sit and read books with someone for a long time. He has a really good attention span. I am also thankful for tile floors in much of the house!

How do you manage your priorities? What specific techniques do you employ to remind yourself of them?

Until next time...
M

{12 in 13} January: First update

Well.... the holiday weekend has come and gone, and no potty training occurred... an auspicious beginning to this new goal-setting endeavor. :) Sean and I hadn't had a chance to "compare notes" until after Saturday morning, at which point we mostly-mutually decided to postpone it. And when I say "compare notes," it means "try to explain to Sean what I've been reading and then we decide how we want to do it." But we had a little bit of marital miscommunication, or lack of grace-giving, or I'm not sure what to call it.... just enough to make me want to not push the issue.

I wanted to start the training when we'd have a good chunk of time to work on it (e.g. first thing Saturday morning). I did not think it would be very profitable to start it, say, Sunday after church, where we get home and have maybe an hour of awake time before Caleb's nap. I'm wondering if there might never be a time that seems perfectly convenient to start something like this.

I'm also thinking it might be better for us to try the gradual approach, because of the season we are in: getting to know a newborn. :) Caleb is familiar with his potty chair, and has asked before to sit on the potty with no diaper, but I really don't think he's aware of when he is peeing. One of those times, when I had let him sit on the potty, I helped him stand up, then he peed on the floor, and was like, "Oh! What's that?" He had no idea he had caused that puddle that magically appeared (or so it seemed to me).

So for now, we are still in diapers full time.

The "gradual approach" means (for us) I will start taking him to the toilet a couple times a day (probably after meals so it's easy to remember), sitting him on it for a few minutes so he gets used to it; whether he goes or not is not important. If/when any poop or pee makes it into the toilet, praise the heck out of him. That's as far as I've gotten so far. :)

Any tips, you moms-of-boys-who-are-potty-trained?


I've also been thinking about the rest of my goals... and even spent some time writing out all the action steps I could think of for each month. For example, for my May goal (run the Bull Canyon Run 10k), I put:

• look up Couch to 5k program
• write out training plan
• start running 
• ask Mom to babysit kid(s)?
• join YMCA?
• look up healthy diet for running
• buy sports bra?
• pump up tires on jogging stroller
• register for race online
• update May budget to include registration fee

For my February goal, I have decided on the baked goodies I will make, as well as quantities of ingredients needed and a shopping list.

For my April goal, I have looked up several Bible reading plans, and dusted off my Daily Light. (I've actually started reading the Daily Light already; is that cheating? ;) My grandmother gave it to me when I graduated from high school, and she's been reading it daily without fail, probably for several decades.)

For my May goal, I have looked up the "couch to 5k" program and will plan on beginning it this coming week (it's a nine-week progression of interval training to get you up to running for 3 miles straight, starting with alternating jogging/walking in one- or two-minute increments). There's also a "5k to 10k" app, but I don't have a smartphone! I'll have to keep hunting and see if the information is on the web site in a different format. The Bull Canyon Run is 16 weeks away from last Saturday (1/26), woohoo! This is one of the few goals that exceeds one month in planning/execution. Most of the rest of them are contained within the month.

Anyway...

I'll plan on placing links to all the monthly posts in one place as they accumulate!

33 weeks

We are 33 weeks as of 10/25!! I'm starting to experience the lower-back discomfort, some aches in the joints and fatigue in general.... as well as excitement! I had an OB appointment today (10/25), and got to have another ultrasound. I really thought I wouldn't get to have any more, but they said they wanted to take a look so I said, Sure! It's such a miracle. It never gets old. This time the technician even gave me a DVD of the experience, showing motion just like a live ultrasound (unfortunately, without the benefit of the sonographer's commentary of what those gray blobs are!). I am grateful to get to share that with Sean and my parents. They said everything is looking good-- lots of amniotic fluid; my cervix looked great; the baby's measuring right on track for the gestational age, in the 46th percentile for most measurements (very similar to Caleb!); we could see all four chambers of the heart pumping away. I think she's going to look a lot like Caleb. Can't wait to find out! We all have predictions on hair color-- some think dark, some think blond. I'm going with blond. :)

33 weeks + Caleb!

It's hard to believe that there are only a few weeks left before Chloe is born. Most of all, I really want to enjoy the time with Caleb being essentially an "only child." I've been kind of sentimental about it lately, wistful and almost sad to lose this time with just him. I know my attention will be divided, especially in the newborn stage. I will just have to make it a point to have one-on-one time with him later-- and hopefully, carve out time for each of our kids to have one-on-one time with each parent as the years progress. He and I have had some really neat conversations lately, at the table, around the house, or in the car. I love how much we can communicate now! He is quite the talker, very verbal and willing to share his thoughts. I want to encourage that! Sean and I both love getting inside his little brain and understanding what he's thinking. Usually it goes something like this...

C: What doing, Mommy?
M: Mommy is making oatmeal for breakfast.
C: See ee-oh [oatmeal]?
M: Ok, let me stir it and then I can pick you up and show you.
C: See ee-oh?
M: See? Mommy is stirring the oatmeal.
C: Caleb stir it?

He likes to help me cook. He says, "Blue fire!" when I turn on our gas range. He even pushed a kitchen chair up behind me one time recently when I was working at the counter and stood up on it so he could see what I was doing (it must be frustrating to stand below counter height!). It was funny to turn around and see him right there next to me.

The other day, he tripped and landed on his bottom. I had to laugh when he asked, "Mommy kiss it bottom?" Um, no thanks, sweetie. :) I love ya, but even your mother draws the line at kissing your bottom! (I did give him a kiss on the cheek, though.) He's been calling us "sweet pea," probably because that's a term Sean and I use for him. I handed him his cup of milk and he told me, "Thank you, sweet pea." Being his parents is just awesome. We love it.

He's getting really good with colors, and even some letters. He knows orange, black, brown, yellow, green, blue, pink, and sometimes purple, sometimes red. He can consistently recognize A's, O's and M's (though he thinks W's are M's too, can't really blame him!). He consistently identifies triangles, circles, hearts, and stars. Still working on squares and other shapes like diamonds or rectangles. He knows the difference between airplanes and helicopters. He's learning so much!!! I really want to get his version of the ABC song on video, because it is the cutest thing ever. It's quite recognizable, even if some of the letters are missing or have a creative pronunciation.

One of his favorite questions is, "What ____ say?" He'll ask, "What a chicken say?" He knows lots of animal sounds-- rooster, doggie, kitty cat, duck, pig, etc... What's more interesting is when he asks things like, "What a zebra say?" uh..... Not sure! "What a palm tree say?" Hmm... Sean's answer: "Coconuts!!"

Along with what different objects "say," he also likes to ask, "What (is) the ____ doing?" What Mommy doing? What Caleb doing?... and the other night, What the moon doing, Mommy? Uh... shining! It's fun to see the wheels turning, and he's already close to stumping Mommy! I'm a little worried for when the "why" questions start, if I'm already having trouble! It's fun. :)

Settling In

We have been in California for exactly three weeks now, and are settling in well. So far we have partaken in several Central Coast specialties, though we haven't taken a single picture:

San Luis Obispo Farmer's Market - one of the oldest and largest farmer's markets in CA, with an average of 10,000 people weekly. Lots of fresh fruit, restaurant stands, live music and entertainment (bands, jugglers, balloon animals, etc.) and random protestors warning of genetically-modified corn or quoting Bible verses. (You can even register to vote at one of the booths...)

Avila Beach - Caleb LOVED the water and let the waves come up over his legs. He didn't want to leave! He's getting much better about tolerating sand on his feet too. There's also a nice playground with slides and swings. We enjoyed lunch at a place called the Hula Hut, with amazing salads, sandwiches, and wraps (and clam chowder!). It was a beautiful, sunny day. Sean and I threw around our frisbee a little bit-- I can still bend over to pick it up okay, but I can tell those days are numbered as my tummy gets bigger! The seagulls rifled through our paper bag of snacks while we were down at the water! The bag was pretty much demolished, and they ate some bread and who knows what else. Ooops. A beautiful day all around.

Bonfire/BBQ at Grover Beach - Sean's squadron held a social event there last Friday night, and it was neat to meet new people (and reconnect with a few people I knew when I worked with the Training Group on base three years ago-- some of the current squadron members were my students when I taught in the Group!) It was a gorgeous day, warm enough for short sleeves, with an amazing sunset to finish off the evening. In central-coastal CA, you always bring a sweatshirt to the beach, even in the middle of the day, in case it is "socked in" or foggy. But we didn't need our hoodies! I ate way too much tri-tip and chicken, but it was just so good! A place in Lompoc called Floriano's catered the main dish (ie. the meat) and it was amazing. I ate about half a chicken, I think. I "helped" Sean with his plate after he was done, too. There were a bunch of other little kids that Caleb played with, which was fun! He had sand EVERYWHERE... made for a fun bathtime (and a very sandy tub).

local farmer's markets - most of the farmers provide organic produce and it's a fun experience to wander among the canopies and enjoy free samples of peaches, strawberries, or grapes. Haven't bought squash, local honey, flowers, lettuce, artisan bread, or tomatoes there yet. :) Mom and I (and Caleb) went this past Wednesday and got some nectarines, white peaches, apples, and strawberries. YUM!

~~

There are many, many places and things we want to rediscover as a family, introducing Caleb to places Mommy and Daddy went when they were just getting to know each other four years ago. We met in October of 2008, so we'll be coming up on "anniversaries" like becoming an item (Jan. 25, 2009), first date, first Valentine's Day, first kiss (that date's a secret!), engagement, first "I love you," etc. I enjoy reminiscing about stuff like that.

Here are some of the places we want to go, with or without Caleb:

Oso Flaco Lake hike

Avila Valley Barn (with pick-your-own fruit and petting zoo for Caleb!)

Point Sal hike - one I've done many times, with various friends

Montana de Oro State Park - one of our favorite places to hike and camp

Jalama Beach - we camped there with friends during Thanksgiving '09, before we were even dating!

Splash Cafe in Pismo Beach - famous for their clam chowder in bread bowls, it's not uncommon to see a line of people snaking out the door and around the corner of the building, waiting for chowder or fish and chips.

~~

We have also been able to have a couple different people over for dinner-- on Sunday we had over Sean's coworker Jon, who just PCS'd here too (with Italian sausage/zucchini/tomato pasta and amazing oatmeal chocolate-chip cookies).... and Tuesday night, our friend Melanie who lives next door now (Mexican stuffed shells, Greek salad, and fresh fruit).

It's been a busy couple of weeks! All the boxes in the garage are at least opened, though we will need to go through several of them and pare down (i.e. get rid of junk). We have lots and lots of linens we aren't using, and I figure someone else could be using them RIGHT NOW. How many twin comforters do we need, anyway??? We have two twin beds... and about five comforters. I am determined to consolidate my mementos into one large tub: whatever doesn't fit, goes... and if I want to add something new, I will need to make room or get rid of something else. Right now I have several medium-size tubs of various memento items... and numerous shoe boxes with every birthday card, recital program, and wedding invitation I've ever received (or so it seems)! Yesterday I worked through two smallish moving boxes, and it felt quite liberating to go from two cardboard boxes full, to a shoebox of small papers and blank, usable notepads.

We have had some good quality time with Mom and Dad-- especially since they have laundry facilities and internet! ;) We finally got our wireless stuff figured out, thanks to the Comcast guy.... still waiting to buy a washer and dryer until we get our move money sorted out with the military. We've enjoyed some awesome meals at their house and good hang-out time. Sean likes all the meat Mom cooks in her meals. :) My penny-pinching, meat-stretching ways have been found out! (But as long as Sean is okay with upping our food budget, and he is, I am okay with cooking with more meat.) Caleb frequently asks for "Grammy cars," "Grammy hold you," and "see Papa?" We are really grateful to be near family, and not just for the free babysitting. :)

Caleb has been doing okay in his toddler bed. We have been trying it out since we moved, with varying results. The first few nights he did great! Now, occasionally he'll get up multiple times during the night... or come super early to our room and say something adorable like, "Daddy sleeping? Hello, Daddy," or my favorite, "Come out, Mommy? Mommy breakfast, please?" It's such a weird experience to hear something cute like that when you are soooo not fully awake yet, and wishing you could sleep some more. Part of me does enjoy his cuteness and treasures it away, and part of me is just very, very tired. He's been getting up at 6:30 most days this week... so I have too, for the most part. I realize that some people may not consider 6:30 to be excessively early, but I am admittedly not a morning person... and not really a night owl either. I'm more of a 9 a.m.-9 p.m. person! HA! Especially while pregnant....

Today he played with my night-table items until about 7:20, when I finally got up. The last few days this week at nap time, he has made a game out of seeing how many times Mommy will put him back in his bed! On Wednesday I lasted about an hour before giving up and letting him out to play. He was fine, in a cheerful mood the rest of the day, though yawning more than normal. Mommy was the grumpy one, from not getting her nap and her wishes being defied! Off and on I have been having difficulty sleeping lately (thankfully, it's not every night). One night I woke up at 4 a.m., wide awake, and just read on the couch until the day really started (we don't have a table lamp in the bedroom yet so I went in the other room to let Sean sleep). I've had some leg cramps and limb discomfort that keep me awake, or wake me up. But it makes me even more grateful when I do get good sleep. I am grateful too that I can safely enjoy a cup of coffee, and can stomach the taste/smell of it. During the first trimester, you aren't supposed to drink coffee, or consume caffeine from any source, really, because they think it might increase your chance of miscarriage-- I'm not sure how strong the link is between the two, but hey, it's worth refraining just in case. For awhile there (and I do love me my morning coffee!) I would make a cup, then take about two sips before not being able to drink any more. Thankfully, now I can enjoy it again, for whatever reason.

Anyway.... all that to say, I am usually tired at any point in the day, and trying to enjoy what free time I have, when Caleb is playing nicely with cars or trains, because I know those days are numbered. Soon, even if The Toddler is gainfully occupied, there will be an infant needing a feeding or a changing or a burping! It's still hard to believe. Even with feeling and looking increasingly pregnant, I still can't quite fathom the fact that there will be a new baby in our lives in less than four months. It will come soon enough, so I want to enjoy time with "just Caleb" as much as I can. Even if I am tired and NOT a fan of battles of wills.

It's really been a challenge for me lately, the stage he is in! I don't mind the outright kicking and screaming when he doesn't want to leave the park/beach/playground.... I just pick him up and away we go. Either other people will understand, or they won't. I am getting less and less worried about what other people think about my screaming child. The big tantrum is somehow easier to deal with because at this point I can somewhat control the outcome (by picking him up and walking away, or strapping him in his car seat, etc.) I don't try to reason with him or "ask nicely" for him to obey; I just "help" him obey. What gets my goat is the mischievous look he gets on his face when he is testing the boundaries, or the times he intentionally disobeys! He knows what we want him to do, and he does the opposite. Or throws food on the floor right after I just told him that was not okay. Repeatedly. That is the most tiring aspect of parenting, I think. Reinforcing things over and over. And staying patient when it is messy or exhausting or frustrating. It points us back to Christ, because we are not adequate for the task. He can help us, and give us wisdom, for which I am so thankful.

And now I am off to rest while Caleb naps! I lowered the mattress on the crib today, from the "infant" setting to "keeps in toddlers." He and I tried starting his nap in his bed today... then when he got up five minutes after I left, into the crib he went. He fussed for about five minutes, and is now quiet. I am totally okay with going back to the crib for awhile. There is no rule that says a child has to sleep in a toddler bed by a certain age, or ever. He will get more, better sleep this way... I will get a little time to rest or be otherwise productive. We are both happy when he wakes up-- win win!

20 weeks

I am officially 20 weeks along today! Now, at the halfway mark, it does seem like it has gone by quickly so far. If I could ask my 8-weeks-along self if it were going by quickly, I'm sure I would say no. :) That is one blessing from the move, that it's keeping me very preoccupied! I did tell Sean the other day, in a moment of weakness, that I am ready to feel normal again! You just feel weird and different when you are pregnant; there are so many little things that are minor discomforts, and sometimes painful symptoms, but not usually life-threatening. I have been having trouble with carpal tunnel, and tingliness in my hands and feet, partly due to retaining water,  partly due to circulation issues because your blood volume increases by 50%, and exacerbated by the heat we have experienced this summer-- high 90's for weeks in a row, without the afternoon thunderstorms that cool things off and display God's awesomeness. :) That is one thing I will miss about living here, the amazing weather! We do not have air conditioning, which I acknowledge is a luxury, and our house has gotten up to 89 degrees inside several times, only 5 or 10 degrees cooler than outside. There is no way I am even thinking about turning the oven on. (Now I understand the "yay, it's winter, I can bake again" sentiment. I never got it before.) I've been trying to drink lots of water.... and have resorted to going to Target or Barnes and Noble (with a Lego play area!) a few times, anything to get some cool air.

At my OB appointment today, I got weighed and blood-pressured and we got to hear the baby's heartbeat-- in the 150's, normal and good. It's been interesting to me (I've been treasuring these things in my heart) that each nurse/midwife I've seen has remarked how perfect and healthy this pregnancy is-- everything from my fundal height (top of the uterus), to the baby's heartbeat, to blood-test results. Maybe they say that fairly often, and I am just sensitive to the fact that it's not a given: positive pregnancy test, pregnancy, baby. Or maybe God is just blessing the socks off this new little baby before he/she is even born! At any rate, I am extremely grateful for each good report received.

It's weird to be concerned about not gaining enough weight! I have only gained about 5 lbs, and should be in the eight- to 11-pound range. Not a huge concern, but the midwife did recommend upping my calories a little bit, to shoot for 2300 a day; and to eat five to six smaller meals, not three big ones. Your digestive track (or is it tract?) slows down during pregnancy, probably so you can absorb as many nutrients as possible, but it can also result in less-pleasant side-effects. Ahem. And of course if you're not getting enough calories total, that can affect weight gain. My blood pressure was pretty low, 106/52, but she said that was normal for the second trimester. I usually have pretty low blood pressure anyway. I guess the real concern is high blood pressure.

Sean says he has felt kicks! The ones I feel from the inside are getting stronger and stronger! That helps it sink in for me that there's a real baby, a distinctly unique human being, in there. We may be able to find out tomorrow, if the baby cooperates, whether it is a boy or girl. It's not a 100% satisfaction guaranteed proposition, determining baby's sex by ultrasound, but usually it can be pretty definitive. :) Will Caleb retain his title as Only Male Grandchild On Both Sides??? Or will there be TWO Allen men-in-the-making? (Sean and I were talking the other day, prompted by a Focus on the Family broadcast about parenting teenagers (yikes!), and we decided we are going to see our children as men and women in the making, for that is the goal and the eventual reality, Lord willing!)

I will be sure to post what we find out tomorrow. :)

We leave the Springs in less than a week. I'm trying not to think about it, and trying not to fret about all the loose ends remaining. Christina encouraged me yesterday when sharing about her own endeavors to "choose joy" in the midst of a stretching season. There's always a choice... and right now, I am going to choose to take a nap! We have been staying up late recently and it is taking a toll.

Here's a 20-week picture! I have only taken a few of them this time around (something about having a toddler and a pending move and just being plain busy!). I was thinking I should try and include Caleb in the photos, as proof that I'm not recycling photos from my first pregnancy! ;) I'm grateful to have a pair of regular shorts that still fit. Some shirts still work, like this blue one... while others have been relegated to the back of the closet for now. Only 20 more weeks or so before we meet this new little person! I'm going to try and enjoy the journey, i.e. not complain about pregnancy discomforts and instead count my blessings.

I would be remiss if I didn't include a gratuitous shot of Caleb. I love him more and more each day! I'm so glad God gives you this overwhelming affection for your children. They need that buffer when they are in a particularly challenging season. :) Little goofball. His new skills are 1) jumping with both feet simultaneously, 2) singing along to the ABC song or Jesus Loves Me, 3) using possessives like "my turn" or "Mommy's feet," and 4) getting up onto Mommy and Daddy's bed all by himself. He will be two in less than six weeks!!!

Talk soon,

M

Hiatus

Hello, there. I haven't blogged in forever, it seems. But I have decided to try and make more of an effort again, because it's good to document LIFE, with all its complexities, and be able to look back and see how God has worked in our lives. I get hung up on blogging when I think that every post has to be inspiring and cohesive, articulate and impressive. Sometimes I don't think I have very "deep" or meaningful thoughts to share, and that keeps me from sharing at all. Perfectionism is interesting, isn't it? I'd rather NOT do something at all, than fail at it, or do it less than perfectly. Fear motivates that kind of thinking-- fear of what others think about me, fear of looking bad, fear of what I will think about myself when I measure my efforts-- and I am working on changing that, by God's grace. He already loves me, even though I am not perfect! His love isn't based on my performance, but on His choice. There is such freedom and joy in that truth.

Caleb continues to be a great joy to us. Our 14 month-old bubbly baby boy has at least 20 words, is down to one nap a day, has taken his first steps (Nov. 9th), gives hugs and kisses liberally, says "hi" at least 100 times a day (I counted), and is growing bigger by the day! It's truly a privilege to get to spend time with him each day... even with mealtime messes and stinky diapers and helter-skelter toys. Whenever I feel tired at the thought of changing another poopy diaper, or picking up toys again, or mopping the sticky, dripped-on floor under his high chair one more time.... I remind myself what a privilege it is to have a child at all. I remind myself of all the people who desperately desire to conceive a child, and cannot. Or those who have lost a child to disease or tragedy or miscarriage. Or those who do not have custody of their child and are prevented from seeing them. Caleb is healthy and "normal," with no medical or developmental issues. He is learning as he should and progressing in all ways. That is such a gift! I need to spend less time on e-mail or Facebook (blogging excepted, right?), and more time on the floor with him, wrestling or reading or building with blocks. I should worry less about messes, and more about his maturity. I should see his temper tantrums as a reminder that I too was once rebellious and independent-- and that I still have those tendencies inside me, before God saved me and started changing me. I should see difficult moments as opportunities to invest in his life and display God's love to him-- the kind of love that is patient and kind; the kind of love that speaks truth gracefully; the kind of love that disciplines him for his own good; the kind of love that cares not for its own interests, but the interests of others; a sacrificial love that does "the right thing" even when it's inconvenient or difficult. This is a kind of love that I can't manufacture; I can't show it to Caleb or anyone else by sheer willpower, but only by the Holy Spirit's work in and through me.

Being a parent definitely teaches you so much!

Here are a few things that I hope to catch you all up on in the coming weeks:

*some recent sewing projects!
*Josh and Rachel's wedding in July
*Colorado camping this summer
*friends' visits in August
*Sean's first half marathon, and a couple 10ks for both of us
*our car issues, including a major car accident (and God's protection)

*Caleb's birthday in September (and his grandparents' visit!)
*our October Hawaii trip to see Nalani

Stay tuned!

Sleeping: Part IV, April travels, and Delayed Gratification

Caleb slept from 7:30 p.m. to 7 a.m. this morning!!! I was very startled to be woken up by my alarm today, and not Caleb himself. He awoke a few minutes after seven, so we started our day. Monday and Tuesday nights, he slept from 7:30 until  6:30 the next morning! It's so good to be well-rested. We've got a great groove going.... just in time to head to Hawaii for 5 days to visit Nalani. Because of Daylight Saving Time, there is now a four-hour time difference, so after we arrive we will be falling asleep into our dinner plates and wide awake at 4 a.m. :) We have three full days there, which is our shortest trip to date, and we are praying about visitation. So far, it looks pretty limited because Nalani's mom does not want to take her out of daycare (she equates it to missing school in the future). We know God is sovereign and good and just; He will use difficult things in our lives to shape our character and make us more like Christ! We will be grateful for the time we get to spend with Nalani.

When we return, we will be home for about two weeks before we get on a plane again, this time to go to our dear friend Amanda's wedding in Arizona! She was my maid of honor-- and a wonderful one at that-- and both Sean and I have lots of awesome memories with Amanda and the group during our time in CA. We hiked. We camped. We did Bible study. We went to concerts. We wandered around the Santa Barbara mission. During my engagement, Amanda was a wonderful support, going with me to scope out various wedding venues in the area. She was there for me, and I'm so grateful. Even now, I feel so relaxed talking with her about anything and everything. She's not big on drama. I love her laugh! She's a really smart engineer-type, and she's always up for outdoor adventures.

In fact, Amanda spearheaded the Big Sur Mud Run a bunch of us went to in March 2009, a whole weekend that included the five-mile-run-with-obstacles-and-pushups-and-mud-pits, some window shopping at Fisherman's Wharf in Monterey (along with some excellent seafood), and a scenic drive along Highway 1, the beloved and famously-picturesque PCH. That weekend is one of the highlights among all my memories, ever. I am so glad I chose to go on that trip! Amanda is a generous, sweet, funny lady and she has found a wonderful guy too, whose name is Matt. If I had to pick three words to describe him, I'd say goofy, caring, and active. :) He is a huge goofball, so funny, but very sweet too. When you talk, he looks intently at you and is obviously paying close attention to you, so you feel respected. Amanda says she always feels taken care of when he is around. He adores her. I think they are a good match. They are both very easy-going and relaxed. And I am excited to be in her wedding, as she was in mine!

It's funny, when Amanda first told me her wedding date (April 23rd), I estimated what Caleb's age would be at that date (I don't think he was born yet), and it sounded so old and big: almost eight months old! Currently he's almost seven months, and I know the next few weeks will fly by just like the last seven months have! Now when I think about it, it doesn't seem so monumental to have an eight-month-old, probably because I am very used to caring for him, and each incremental step simply adds a tiny bit of complexity. God's way of growing humans really is ingenious! A baby's development is so gradual yet so continual that a parent can feel confident as they go. I may not feel confident if he were instantly a two-year-old (yikes), but I don't have to worry about that right now. Each milestone can be tackled individually. I don't have to worry about potty training AND starting solid foods... just starting solid foods. :) Recently, within the last few days in fact, Sean and I have noticed Caleb seems to be "helping" when we dress him, by straightening or bending his arms to get in or out of sleeves. It seems pretty intentional, and it's incredible to us that he has learned that. He didn't used to do that! It's incredible to see new skills just appear, almost daily. We love being his mommy and daddy.

Just one more thought: last week I went to a friend's house for a Lia Sophia (jewelry) party. The conversation, among several ladies in their 20's, a few married, several single, all but two (including me) being "career" women (and lieutenants at that), turned to babies-- I promise I didn't monopolize the conversation! There was one other girl there who has a little girl, two-year-old Reno. Anyway, a couple of them (the married ones) said they thought 30 was a good age to start having kids. One girl even said, "I just like doing what I want, when I want." Her BFF retorted, "So... you're selfish!" She didn't disagree.

I do not want to become prideful about the choices I'm making, or imply that these ladies are horrible and lame human beings. These are smart women who work hard at their jobs and like to hang out with their friends in their free time, or go skiing on the weekend. Nothing wrong with that. But I do think the consensus of the conversation reflects the culture at large, my generation in particular, where people are delaying having children because it will impact their lifestyle. They like having all their income (which, in a DINK situation, and both being officers, is considerable!) and time and energy at their disposal. I will readily admit there are sacrifices involved in having children. You and your spouse are 100% responsible for the well-being of a tiny human. They can't feed or clothe or clean themselves. You help them with when to sleep and when to be awake and when to eat. You take them everywhere with you-- or arrange for someone trustworthy to care for them. Once you have a child, you are a parent forever after. It's not like a job or a car or a house payment that you can walk away from: this is permanent. I can see how it's a daunting proposition. :)

I was talking about this with Sean, and he said it was like apples and oranges. Yes, you have to spend time, money, and energy taking care of a baby, but that baby is a LIFE that wasn't around before! There's no comparing the "sacrifices" to the miracle of that. I agree. The difference between our friends and us is one of perspective, and instant vs. delayed gratification. It is hard to get up in the middle of the night. It is a slight "sacrifice" to go home early (maybe 8 p.m.) from a social event because the baby needs to go to bed, when I'd really enjoy hanging out longer. But all of it is worth it because we have a son, a child, who looks like us and looks to us to raise him and teach him about the world. It's a huge responsibility and very rewarding, even now. I can't wait to have conversations with him and hear his thoughts as he grows! I can't wait to hear him say "mommy" or run to give his daddy a hug when he gets home from work at the end of the day. I look forward to seeing who he will become. I pray we are able to instill truth in him.

Being a parent is a continual investment over a long period of time-- here's where we come to the "delayed gratification" part. Sean and I drive old, paid-off cars, live in a modest house, and budget carefully so we can live on one income. We don't go skiing every weekend. We rent movies from the library, for free, instead of going to the theater and paying $20 for tickets and $20 for snacks. We cook from scratch instead of eating out. We make choices far different from some of our peers, and I'm totally okay with it (most of the time)! We are parents of a son, and we love him so much. I would never ever ever trade his existence for a new car or a bigger house. But I guess people my age don't realize what they are missing, because of the things they are choosing to fill their lives with. I can only fulfill the role I've chosen to the best of my ability. Perhaps it will be a testimony to the awesomeness that is "being a parent." :) I know it's not my job to change other people's minds!

Sometimes I think about the job I left-- a DoD civilian internship that was a straight shot up: to be a GS-11 by the time I was 25! That would have been pretty incredible, and I would have been making a LOT of money. Well, I'm 25 now, and a stay-at-home mom with a monetary paycheck of zero. I get giddy over recipes and enjoy preparing our home for my husband's arrival. I do laundry and clean the house and make food as my "primary duties," instead of instruct or develop curriculum or go to meetings. Again, I have to say it's like apples and oranges! I loved my job, but I LOVE my job now. I kiss the sweetest cheeks in the world. In  the morning I have pillow talk with the bluest eyes in the world, set in a tiny face with a little round nose. My body nourishes a soul housed in a soft, wiggly, miniature human body. I have been given the privilege and responsibility to train up this little person. Yes, I sometimes get frustrated. Caleb does not always accommodate my plans, and it's "inconvenient" having to pause what I was doing to attend to him. But having him in our lives is worth more than any amount of money in the world. I truly believe that. I am happy and fulfilled here. And speaking of Caleb, he just woke up from his nap! Time to go prepare lunch for us both.

Sleeping, Part III

Caleb has been sick since Monday, and it's so pitiful when we hear him cough during the night! He'll cough, then cry a little, which makes him cough more. Poor baby. I hate seeing him sick! He was kind enough to give it to me, as I have the beginning swollen glands and achiness, while today he's starting to look much better. This week he has woken up most nights, coughing and crying. One or the other of us stumbles down the hall to soothe him; two nights (between 2 and 3 a.m.) I nursed him a little when he had trouble calming down. I don't plan on making a habit of middle-o-the-night feedings, but I know the extra liquid is good for him. While sick he has been going to bed earlier, which is a practice I hope to establish as the norm! Last night it was 6:30 p.m.... instead of 8 or 8:45.

Yesterday's naps were spotty, but today's were pretty good. During his first nap this morning, I finished cutting out rectangles of some really cute red calico fabric for some placemats! They are my attempt at Christmas Valentine's Day decor. Only a month (or several) late, huh? I was able to sew them all and finally finish a project that has been "pending" since the beginning of December. After taking stock of my crafty endeavors, I have decided I want to change the pattern of unfinished projects I see in my life!! I have so many started-and-abandoned craft projects stashed away in random places. Well, now my cute red placemats are finished!! And I'm contemplating making crib bumpers for Caleb's crib-- I've already made pattern pieces out of printer paper, and have an old-yet-cute (and currently unused) shower curtain all measured and ready to go. I plan to measure one more time before I start cutting! I hope to keep you posted on how it goes (maybe even with photos).

Sleeping... or not: Part II

I am happy to report Caleb slept last night from 8 p.m. until I woke him up at 6:45 a.m. today! (I start the day a little earlier on Tuesdays because of 9 a.m. Bible study.) Last night he slept in his crib, in his room, for the first time ever! He has napped in there before, but never spent all night away from us. Sean hooked up the baby monitors, arranged a little space heater, and put Caleb to bed while I was at a friend's baby shower. Sean told me Caleb fussed quite a bit before succumbing to sleep. Caleb has definitely started to fight sleep! But I am thankful for good rest all night for all three of us! I feel hopeful that we will conquer this season. He is taking excellent naps, for which I am thankful.

Each day is a gift! I want to savor even the difficult moments, knowing that we have no guarantee for tomorrow. :)

P.S. I received an e-mail from BabyCenter today entitled, "Teach your baby to sleep through the night." Thanks...

Sleeping... or not

Perhaps I have been too excited (and too talkative) about how well Caleb sleeps, because lately he has been struggling to go to sleep at night, and sleep all night long. Naps are still peachy, with only an occasional cry or two. Most of the time he goes to sleep for a nap with a very short wind-down routine: swaddle, insert paci, lay him down, and place blanket on top. Last night we put him down around 7 p.m. I think, and it was 8:30 before he was asleep: we let him cry for awhile, then tried soothing him, which he would have none of. I finally nursed him a little and he relaxed, and I put him down still awake. He cried a few times, then snuggled into his blanket (finally). He woke up this morning around 2 a.m. (I put in his paci and we both went back to sleep-- he's still sleeping in a co-sleeper next to our bed), and then he was wide awake when Sean left for work around 5:15. Caleb started crying around 6:30 (I think), but stopped around 6:55. I was planning to feed him no earlier than 7, and picked him up once he stopped crying to bring him into bed to feed him.

I've heard that reaching "developmental milestones" like starting solid foods can disrupt normal sleep patterns. Well, we just started solids this week with barley cereal (yum). I don't see how the teeny tiny amounts he's actually ingesting (like 1 tsp. or less, once a day) could affect him so much! But hey, it is a big change when all you've consumed your entire life has been breastmilk.

I think part of it is... we need to be consistent. We hate letting him "cry it out," but then he seems to cry more if you let him cry for awhile, THEN go in and comfort him. But do you go in with every little peep? Nope. I've heard him go back to sleep when he wakes up in the middle of a nap and cries for a few minutes. I want to break the habit of crying (and relenting) so that he cries less. Oy. I guess we just need to determine to leave him be once we put him to bed at night, for however long is necessary; no time-limit for going in to him. I think we could commit to three days, which is what they say it takes. We tried it before and he cried for an hour... and got a bloody nose. That's kinda scary for a newbie parent. But, they say the crying has a pretty steep decline over two-three days. So perhaps we will do it and see how it goes.

I also think, after last night, that it is time for him to sleep in his room, in his crib. He doesn't need night feedings anymore, and has been sleeping through the night (10-12 hours) for three months now. I just wonder if we should introduce it now, when he has a crying issue, or if the change will make it worse: disorienting or fearful for him to be "banished" to a new place and trying to get himself to sleep when he's already struggling. ARGH. I know this season won't last forever, but it is frustrating to know what to do. I also know that it's important to establish good habit patterns now.

Welp, it's time for his 11 a.m. feeding! Until next time...

Camouflage, journaling, and prayer

So we were at Barnes and Noble one day and came across this journal... which happened to closely resemble my top! Mimicry is not just for the animal kingdom, I suppose. We always enjoy our window-shopping dates, whether at BN or Home Depot. In this case, we did buy a journal (a different one, not this purple one) to start writing letters in it to Nalani, since we can't see her or talk to her very often at this point. We have also started writing little notes to Caleb in a separate journal. We plan on having a special journal for each of our children to read when they are older (perhaps to be bestowed on a significant birthday or milestone?), with our thoughts and hopes recorded for them, both Mommy and Daddy's writings! We think it will be a way for them to get to know us as we were before they were born, or when they were too little to remember: the anticipation we have of meeting them, the praying we do for them, our desires and dreams for their future, the love we have for them... and later, the funny things they will do and say; and the special, ordinary moments we hope to capture. Hopefully it will be a valuable treasure to each of them, not because their mom and dad are overly wise, but because we truly want them to understand our hearts and see how much we value them. In our marriage so far, the things Sean and I have prayed for most often have been "the house" (more specifically, guidance on where to live and whether/where to buy), our families, Sean's work, and our babies Nalani and Caleb. :) We pray every night for wisdom to be godly parents to them; that they would grow up to love and know God; that God would choose them to be His children; and that God would use us despite our sinfulness to shape them into godly people of faith. It's exciting and a little daunting, this adventure of parenthood; that's why we pray!

Assorted Ramblings

This week has been good so far! It honestly took me awhile to recover from our busy, busy week of camping, promotion, and garage sale, all back to back events. I've been going for walks a little more consistently-- three days in a row last week-- but that area could still use a little improvement. Sometime I want to take a camera with me to capture some of the amazing scenery and fascinating clouds that refresh me along the way (thank you, God!). You'll know if I ever do manage to take a camera; I'll likely post any particularly pretty shots I get!

Sean and I really enjoy "Home Depot dates," mostly window shopping, brain storming, and daydreaming about the possibilities for future home projects: anything from houseplants to wood floors and outdoor decks. We have yet to spend very much money there. It would be easy to spend all our spare time fixing up the house, but while we want to take good care of it, maybe even increase its curb appeal, we don't want it to consume our lives and leave us unavailable for other things, like PEOPLE! ...who aren't "things" at all. We know there is more to life than material things, though we can get genuine pleasure out of tangible objects... like the thrill of spying the first little green sprouts in your garden, watching plants grow and change before your very eyes as you water them and watch to make sure they get the proper amount of sun or shade. That's probably what being a parent will be like, only on a much grander scale: often stopping to stare in awe at what God makes and does. I believe it's perfectly acceptable (and good) to do those everyday things like cook a delicious meal or cultivate a garden or create a welcoming, comfortable environment in your home. God isn't against pleasure; He made the earth and earthly things for our enjoyment. The awesomest part is when we can recognize it's all from Him and because of Him and say thank you for those simple things as we enjoy them.

Sean and I had a really good talk today about parenting, and how do you know what is "age appropriate" to share with your child? Not only in the context of the "birds and the bees" talks, but other biblical concepts like submission and obedience and God's sovereignty. The world contains plentiful confusion, tantalizing counterfeits, and outright lies about what God has said. How do we explain "what makes a man a man and not a woman?" or "how can God have always existed, and not have a beginning or an end?" or "why do we have to obey God (and by extension, mom and dad)?" I can only imagine the kinds of questions we'll get. :) Kids are so inquisitive! And it's so crucial to give them the truth, so they can develop a solid foundation for right thinking as they mature and encounter distortions or perversions of truth. I've been studying I John lately and much of it (so far! I'm in chapter 2) deals with light and darkness, knowing truth (knowing God) and recognizing false teachers, having fellowship with God and not the world--- so many dichotomies, though they don't always appear so "black and white" to an undiscerning eye.

We feel a strong responsibility to not only clearly express God's truth to our children, but to live out our beliefs so that they will see Christ is our treasure. We want them to see there is more to life than living in a nice house or keeping your grass green. Life is about living for Someone other than ourselves. I often "forget" how real eternity is and focus on such paltry, fleeting things, like my feelings about a particular circumstance or my cravings for comfort or security or pleasure. But God's truth about life, both the temporal now and eternal forever-life, is the "truest truth" there is. What a big job, passing that on to little growing people. But along with the responsibility comes much grace (which we are already praying for) and wisdom, as we ask Him for it. I think of my parents and others I know and respect, and I realize that God can and does use sinners for His work, to accomplish His purposes in our lives and our children's. Convenient, since we are all sinners. :) I know my parents aren't perfect, yet they still taught me so much and are now some of the most-trusted people in my life. God did (and is still doing) good things in my life through them, and I'm so thankful!

Anyway.... lots of big thoughts in our hearts lately as we contemplate the ride we are close to embarking on. To me it feels very much like a roller coaster ride, at the point where you are slowly ascending that first big slope, hearing that chunka-chunka-chunka sound of the belt pulling you up the track, strapped in with a "too late now!!" sort of anticipation, knowing that you have made your choice and a biiiiiiig drop is just over the crest. I wonder what moment in life will correspond with that instant of weightlessness as you almost hover at the top-- now you can see so far in every direction and you're almost motionless in the open air, but you can also look straight down at the steep drop directly before you-- before gravity takes hold of you and you are screaming ahead at a much-too-fast speed and maybe feeling a little panicky about the intensity of what's now imminent. Yep, that's what it feels like. Surreal and intangible now, hard to imagine our baby's "really real," even though I feel movement in my tummy daily.... I wonder when it will sink in. When we're holding him after he's born? When we rock him, or change his diaper, or snuggle with him? When he's sitting up or crawling or walking? When he's holding his hand out for the car keys? :) I know it's taken several months to get used to really, truly being married (eight months tomorrow!). It is wonderful, but almost doesn't feel real sometimes. We've had a few relational bumps to know, okay... this is real. :) We're not perfect and won't always succeed at honoring each other. It's not a perpetual honeymoon (especially because real life entails bills and "discussions" and things you "have" to do versus getting to goof off all the time); there are tough, stressful moments and sometimes we hurt each other with our sin. We even had a "what are you talking about?!" discussion the other day where it took awhile to get on the same page and truly understand what each other was saying and meaning, due (mostly) to those male-female translational difficulties. It happens. I'm thankful those moments are rare, but they do happen. We know we are committed to each other for life, and we know we will not stop loving, never stop trying. We are growing, and it is good.

And... I've needed a nap since about 4 p.m. today, so I think I'll close for now and go to bed for an eight- or nine-hour "nap" til morning. :) Ultrasound tomorrow! Willl keep you posted.