Sleeping: Part IV, April travels, and Delayed Gratification

Caleb slept from 7:30 p.m. to 7 a.m. this morning!!! I was very startled to be woken up by my alarm today, and not Caleb himself. He awoke a few minutes after seven, so we started our day. Monday and Tuesday nights, he slept from 7:30 until  6:30 the next morning! It's so good to be well-rested. We've got a great groove going.... just in time to head to Hawaii for 5 days to visit Nalani. Because of Daylight Saving Time, there is now a four-hour time difference, so after we arrive we will be falling asleep into our dinner plates and wide awake at 4 a.m. :) We have three full days there, which is our shortest trip to date, and we are praying about visitation. So far, it looks pretty limited because Nalani's mom does not want to take her out of daycare (she equates it to missing school in the future). We know God is sovereign and good and just; He will use difficult things in our lives to shape our character and make us more like Christ! We will be grateful for the time we get to spend with Nalani.

When we return, we will be home for about two weeks before we get on a plane again, this time to go to our dear friend Amanda's wedding in Arizona! She was my maid of honor-- and a wonderful one at that-- and both Sean and I have lots of awesome memories with Amanda and the group during our time in CA. We hiked. We camped. We did Bible study. We went to concerts. We wandered around the Santa Barbara mission. During my engagement, Amanda was a wonderful support, going with me to scope out various wedding venues in the area. She was there for me, and I'm so grateful. Even now, I feel so relaxed talking with her about anything and everything. She's not big on drama. I love her laugh! She's a really smart engineer-type, and she's always up for outdoor adventures.

In fact, Amanda spearheaded the Big Sur Mud Run a bunch of us went to in March 2009, a whole weekend that included the five-mile-run-with-obstacles-and-pushups-and-mud-pits, some window shopping at Fisherman's Wharf in Monterey (along with some excellent seafood), and a scenic drive along Highway 1, the beloved and famously-picturesque PCH. That weekend is one of the highlights among all my memories, ever. I am so glad I chose to go on that trip! Amanda is a generous, sweet, funny lady and she has found a wonderful guy too, whose name is Matt. If I had to pick three words to describe him, I'd say goofy, caring, and active. :) He is a huge goofball, so funny, but very sweet too. When you talk, he looks intently at you and is obviously paying close attention to you, so you feel respected. Amanda says she always feels taken care of when he is around. He adores her. I think they are a good match. They are both very easy-going and relaxed. And I am excited to be in her wedding, as she was in mine!

It's funny, when Amanda first told me her wedding date (April 23rd), I estimated what Caleb's age would be at that date (I don't think he was born yet), and it sounded so old and big: almost eight months old! Currently he's almost seven months, and I know the next few weeks will fly by just like the last seven months have! Now when I think about it, it doesn't seem so monumental to have an eight-month-old, probably because I am very used to caring for him, and each incremental step simply adds a tiny bit of complexity. God's way of growing humans really is ingenious! A baby's development is so gradual yet so continual that a parent can feel confident as they go. I may not feel confident if he were instantly a two-year-old (yikes), but I don't have to worry about that right now. Each milestone can be tackled individually. I don't have to worry about potty training AND starting solid foods... just starting solid foods. :) Recently, within the last few days in fact, Sean and I have noticed Caleb seems to be "helping" when we dress him, by straightening or bending his arms to get in or out of sleeves. It seems pretty intentional, and it's incredible to us that he has learned that. He didn't used to do that! It's incredible to see new skills just appear, almost daily. We love being his mommy and daddy.

Just one more thought: last week I went to a friend's house for a Lia Sophia (jewelry) party. The conversation, among several ladies in their 20's, a few married, several single, all but two (including me) being "career" women (and lieutenants at that), turned to babies-- I promise I didn't monopolize the conversation! There was one other girl there who has a little girl, two-year-old Reno. Anyway, a couple of them (the married ones) said they thought 30 was a good age to start having kids. One girl even said, "I just like doing what I want, when I want." Her BFF retorted, "So... you're selfish!" She didn't disagree.

I do not want to become prideful about the choices I'm making, or imply that these ladies are horrible and lame human beings. These are smart women who work hard at their jobs and like to hang out with their friends in their free time, or go skiing on the weekend. Nothing wrong with that. But I do think the consensus of the conversation reflects the culture at large, my generation in particular, where people are delaying having children because it will impact their lifestyle. They like having all their income (which, in a DINK situation, and both being officers, is considerable!) and time and energy at their disposal. I will readily admit there are sacrifices involved in having children. You and your spouse are 100% responsible for the well-being of a tiny human. They can't feed or clothe or clean themselves. You help them with when to sleep and when to be awake and when to eat. You take them everywhere with you-- or arrange for someone trustworthy to care for them. Once you have a child, you are a parent forever after. It's not like a job or a car or a house payment that you can walk away from: this is permanent. I can see how it's a daunting proposition. :)

I was talking about this with Sean, and he said it was like apples and oranges. Yes, you have to spend time, money, and energy taking care of a baby, but that baby is a LIFE that wasn't around before! There's no comparing the "sacrifices" to the miracle of that. I agree. The difference between our friends and us is one of perspective, and instant vs. delayed gratification. It is hard to get up in the middle of the night. It is a slight "sacrifice" to go home early (maybe 8 p.m.) from a social event because the baby needs to go to bed, when I'd really enjoy hanging out longer. But all of it is worth it because we have a son, a child, who looks like us and looks to us to raise him and teach him about the world. It's a huge responsibility and very rewarding, even now. I can't wait to have conversations with him and hear his thoughts as he grows! I can't wait to hear him say "mommy" or run to give his daddy a hug when he gets home from work at the end of the day. I look forward to seeing who he will become. I pray we are able to instill truth in him.

Being a parent is a continual investment over a long period of time-- here's where we come to the "delayed gratification" part. Sean and I drive old, paid-off cars, live in a modest house, and budget carefully so we can live on one income. We don't go skiing every weekend. We rent movies from the library, for free, instead of going to the theater and paying $20 for tickets and $20 for snacks. We cook from scratch instead of eating out. We make choices far different from some of our peers, and I'm totally okay with it (most of the time)! We are parents of a son, and we love him so much. I would never ever ever trade his existence for a new car or a bigger house. But I guess people my age don't realize what they are missing, because of the things they are choosing to fill their lives with. I can only fulfill the role I've chosen to the best of my ability. Perhaps it will be a testimony to the awesomeness that is "being a parent." :) I know it's not my job to change other people's minds!

Sometimes I think about the job I left-- a DoD civilian internship that was a straight shot up: to be a GS-11 by the time I was 25! That would have been pretty incredible, and I would have been making a LOT of money. Well, I'm 25 now, and a stay-at-home mom with a monetary paycheck of zero. I get giddy over recipes and enjoy preparing our home for my husband's arrival. I do laundry and clean the house and make food as my "primary duties," instead of instruct or develop curriculum or go to meetings. Again, I have to say it's like apples and oranges! I loved my job, but I LOVE my job now. I kiss the sweetest cheeks in the world. In  the morning I have pillow talk with the bluest eyes in the world, set in a tiny face with a little round nose. My body nourishes a soul housed in a soft, wiggly, miniature human body. I have been given the privilege and responsibility to train up this little person. Yes, I sometimes get frustrated. Caleb does not always accommodate my plans, and it's "inconvenient" having to pause what I was doing to attend to him. But having him in our lives is worth more than any amount of money in the world. I truly believe that. I am happy and fulfilled here. And speaking of Caleb, he just woke up from his nap! Time to go prepare lunch for us both.

Sleeping, Part III

Caleb has been sick since Monday, and it's so pitiful when we hear him cough during the night! He'll cough, then cry a little, which makes him cough more. Poor baby. I hate seeing him sick! He was kind enough to give it to me, as I have the beginning swollen glands and achiness, while today he's starting to look much better. This week he has woken up most nights, coughing and crying. One or the other of us stumbles down the hall to soothe him; two nights (between 2 and 3 a.m.) I nursed him a little when he had trouble calming down. I don't plan on making a habit of middle-o-the-night feedings, but I know the extra liquid is good for him. While sick he has been going to bed earlier, which is a practice I hope to establish as the norm! Last night it was 6:30 p.m.... instead of 8 or 8:45.

Yesterday's naps were spotty, but today's were pretty good. During his first nap this morning, I finished cutting out rectangles of some really cute red calico fabric for some placemats! They are my attempt at Christmas Valentine's Day decor. Only a month (or several) late, huh? I was able to sew them all and finally finish a project that has been "pending" since the beginning of December. After taking stock of my crafty endeavors, I have decided I want to change the pattern of unfinished projects I see in my life!! I have so many started-and-abandoned craft projects stashed away in random places. Well, now my cute red placemats are finished!! And I'm contemplating making crib bumpers for Caleb's crib-- I've already made pattern pieces out of printer paper, and have an old-yet-cute (and currently unused) shower curtain all measured and ready to go. I plan to measure one more time before I start cutting! I hope to keep you posted on how it goes (maybe even with photos).

Sleeping... or not: Part II

I am happy to report Caleb slept last night from 8 p.m. until I woke him up at 6:45 a.m. today! (I start the day a little earlier on Tuesdays because of 9 a.m. Bible study.) Last night he slept in his crib, in his room, for the first time ever! He has napped in there before, but never spent all night away from us. Sean hooked up the baby monitors, arranged a little space heater, and put Caleb to bed while I was at a friend's baby shower. Sean told me Caleb fussed quite a bit before succumbing to sleep. Caleb has definitely started to fight sleep! But I am thankful for good rest all night for all three of us! I feel hopeful that we will conquer this season. He is taking excellent naps, for which I am thankful.

Each day is a gift! I want to savor even the difficult moments, knowing that we have no guarantee for tomorrow. :)

P.S. I received an e-mail from BabyCenter today entitled, "Teach your baby to sleep through the night." Thanks...

Sleeping... or not

Perhaps I have been too excited (and too talkative) about how well Caleb sleeps, because lately he has been struggling to go to sleep at night, and sleep all night long. Naps are still peachy, with only an occasional cry or two. Most of the time he goes to sleep for a nap with a very short wind-down routine: swaddle, insert paci, lay him down, and place blanket on top. Last night we put him down around 7 p.m. I think, and it was 8:30 before he was asleep: we let him cry for awhile, then tried soothing him, which he would have none of. I finally nursed him a little and he relaxed, and I put him down still awake. He cried a few times, then snuggled into his blanket (finally). He woke up this morning around 2 a.m. (I put in his paci and we both went back to sleep-- he's still sleeping in a co-sleeper next to our bed), and then he was wide awake when Sean left for work around 5:15. Caleb started crying around 6:30 (I think), but stopped around 6:55. I was planning to feed him no earlier than 7, and picked him up once he stopped crying to bring him into bed to feed him.

I've heard that reaching "developmental milestones" like starting solid foods can disrupt normal sleep patterns. Well, we just started solids this week with barley cereal (yum). I don't see how the teeny tiny amounts he's actually ingesting (like 1 tsp. or less, once a day) could affect him so much! But hey, it is a big change when all you've consumed your entire life has been breastmilk.

I think part of it is... we need to be consistent. We hate letting him "cry it out," but then he seems to cry more if you let him cry for awhile, THEN go in and comfort him. But do you go in with every little peep? Nope. I've heard him go back to sleep when he wakes up in the middle of a nap and cries for a few minutes. I want to break the habit of crying (and relenting) so that he cries less. Oy. I guess we just need to determine to leave him be once we put him to bed at night, for however long is necessary; no time-limit for going in to him. I think we could commit to three days, which is what they say it takes. We tried it before and he cried for an hour... and got a bloody nose. That's kinda scary for a newbie parent. But, they say the crying has a pretty steep decline over two-three days. So perhaps we will do it and see how it goes.

I also think, after last night, that it is time for him to sleep in his room, in his crib. He doesn't need night feedings anymore, and has been sleeping through the night (10-12 hours) for three months now. I just wonder if we should introduce it now, when he has a crying issue, or if the change will make it worse: disorienting or fearful for him to be "banished" to a new place and trying to get himself to sleep when he's already struggling. ARGH. I know this season won't last forever, but it is frustrating to know what to do. I also know that it's important to establish good habit patterns now.

Welp, it's time for his 11 a.m. feeding! Until next time...