Hello, there. I haven't blogged in forever, it seems. But I have decided to try and make more of an effort again, because it's good to document LIFE, with all its complexities, and be able to look back and see how God has worked in our lives. I get hung up on blogging when I think that every post has to be inspiring and cohesive, articulate and impressive. Sometimes I don't think I have very "deep" or meaningful thoughts to share, and that keeps me from sharing at all. Perfectionism is interesting, isn't it? I'd rather NOT do something at all, than fail at it, or do it less than perfectly. Fear motivates that kind of thinking-- fear of what others think about me, fear of looking bad, fear of what I will think about myself when I measure my efforts-- and I am working on changing that, by God's grace. He already loves me, even though I am not perfect! His love isn't based on my performance, but on His choice. There is such freedom and joy in that truth.
Caleb continues to be a great joy to us. Our 14 month-old bubbly baby boy has at least 20 words, is down to one nap a day, has taken his first steps (Nov. 9th), gives hugs and kisses liberally, says "hi" at least 100 times a day (I counted), and is growing bigger by the day! It's truly a privilege to get to spend time with him each day... even with mealtime messes and stinky diapers and helter-skelter toys. Whenever I feel tired at the thought of changing another poopy diaper, or picking up toys again, or mopping the sticky, dripped-on floor under his high chair one more time.... I remind myself what a privilege it is to have a child at all. I remind myself of all the people who desperately desire to conceive a child, and cannot. Or those who have lost a child to disease or tragedy or miscarriage. Or those who do not have custody of their child and are prevented from seeing them. Caleb is healthy and "normal," with no medical or developmental issues. He is learning as he should and progressing in all ways. That is such a gift! I need to spend less time on e-mail or Facebook (blogging excepted, right?), and more time on the floor with him, wrestling or reading or building with blocks. I should worry less about messes, and more about his maturity. I should see his temper tantrums as a reminder that I too was once rebellious and independent-- and that I still have those tendencies inside me, before God saved me and started changing me. I should see difficult moments as opportunities to invest in his life and display God's love to him-- the kind of love that is patient and kind; the kind of love that speaks truth gracefully; the kind of love that disciplines him for his own good; the kind of love that cares not for its own interests, but the interests of others; a sacrificial love that does "the right thing" even when it's inconvenient or difficult. This is a kind of love that I can't manufacture; I can't show it to Caleb or anyone else by sheer willpower, but only by the Holy Spirit's work in and through me.
Being a parent definitely teaches you so much!
Here are a few things that I hope to catch you all up on in the coming weeks:
*some recent sewing projects!
*Josh and Rachel's wedding in July
*Colorado camping this summer
*friends' visits in August
*Sean's first half marathon, and a couple 10ks for both of us
*our car issues, including a major car accident (and God's protection)
*Caleb's birthday in September (and his grandparents' visit!)
*our October Hawaii trip to see Nalani
Stay tuned!
