Tummy time, sun, & snuggles

Sean LOVES his kids so much, all three of them

Caleb being silly and "helping" Chloe with tummy time. He likes to join in when she is practicing. :)

I LOVE my kids so much. It's even more amazing than I thought it would be to be a parent, their parent.

This is Caleb's "I crack myself up" face. He was giggling hysterically by this point.

Snuggles with Chloe... who has had enough affection for the moment!

We call her "mini Mommy" sometimes :)

Grammy loves her snuggles too!! Man, does Caleb get excited when the doorbell rings!

We had to do a little photo shoot with Chloe's awesome, cute-as-can-be sun hat. Yes, she's also wearing a jacket. :) It can be windy here in the spring! Sunny but windy...

Love her soft, squishy cheeks!!

38 1/2 weeks!

Sean wanted to take a picture of us last night, "since you'll be in labor tomorrow." He keeps saying stuff like that and it takes me a second every time. What??!! How do you know?? Oh. You're kidding. Mostly. :) He's convinced Chloe's arrival is imminent! We happened to get a picture of the two of us the night before Caleb was born (the night my parents arrived in Colorado!), so we're hoping to replicate that, but of course labor is hard to predict before it actually arrives. I've been having a fair amount of discomfort and "pressure" as the baby's head pushes on my cervix and my hips loosen up. I've also been sleeping in a lighter state lately, probably in preparation for frequent wakings to come. All those indications mean she's probably coming soon! I'm grateful we live about eight minutes from the hospital.... instead of a 45-minute trip just to the gate at Fort Carson, where Caleb was born. (We also don't have to worry about snow or ice on the way there this time, which is nice.) It will be interesting to see how L&D #2 goes. I'm trying not to have firm expectations, just hoping to stay relaxed and confident. People keep saying the second/succeeding labors are much faster than the first one, but I also know every labor is different and complications are always possible. We shall see. God is sovereign and good. My goal is to trust Him and be a good laborer. :)

Three Years!

Three years is...

...shorter than a high school or college 'career.'

...less time than a typical (four-year) military assignment.

...longer than it takes to earn a master's degree (usually).

...longer than it usually takes to earn an associate's degree.

...shorter than the span from one Winter Olympics to the next.

Three years is how long Sean and I have been married! In some ways it feels like a lifetime; in others, like it has flown by in a moment. October 17, 2009 was an amazing day: the start of our life together. I'm really glad God brought us together. :)

Here are some stats of our last three years:
8 trips to Hawaii to see Nalani
5 trips to CA to visit family
5 camping trips (I think)
4 "homes" in first 6 months of marriage
4 TDY's (business trips) for Sean (I think)
3 10k races
3 beautiful kids
3 Christmases
2 miscarriages
2 moves
2 tours, at Schriever and Vandenberg
2 sinners in 1 marriage
2 out-of-state weddings of friends
2 big promotions for Sean, 1st Lt and Capt
2 garage sales
1 mortgage :)
1 major car accident
1 trip to Alaska to see Nalani
1 death in the family, Sean's granddaddy
1 "century ride" (Sean rode a bike 100 miles, better him than me!)

It's been a busy three years! I asked Sean if everyone's first few years of marriage are that full, and he didn't think so. We've done a lot of traveling. Caleb has been on either 14 or 15 plane trips in his short life-- I have just about lost track (obviously)! God has been so faithful along the way. I never could have anticipated, on our wedding day, where we would be now. But I wouldn't trade any of it, even the painful parts, because I know God has used them to grow us, refine us, and reveal more of Himself to us. I love my husband more than I did when we got married, and I can't imagine life without him.

We are looking forward to the next 30 or 50 years!

Counting my blessings

There are so many things we can be thankful for here. I've been wanting to catalog the "easy to take for granted" ones, so here goes. I'm sure there are more I will think of later!

1. Sidewalks in front of our house. This was one thing that bugged me every time I went jogging or walking from our house in Colorado. There were not very many sidewalks near our house, so I would have to walk on the street, evading cars and dealing with a slight slant to the road. Here there are tons of sidewalks, and neat neighborhoods to explore.

2. Two parks within walking distance. The closest park to our house in CO was 0.9 miles away-- not insurmountable, but it was sometimes enough to dissuade me from making the trek. (I am a pretty pathetic pregnant lady, very bad at wanting to exercise much, despite my earlier enthusiasm for going to the Y.) Now, we have a great park just around the corner from our house! We pass five houses (along the sidewalk), turn right, and Caleb sees the roof of the play structure down a block and says, "Slide? slide? slide? slide?"

3. Familiarity with the area. It's very nice to not have to look up directions or an address every time you want to leave the house! I already know how to get places, and going to the base is no sweat (used to commute there every day!). I am a little rusty on where specific offices/buildings are on base, but it's coming back to me. :) It's funny how what I once thought of as "all the way at the other end of town" takes, at most, 10 minutes to get to. I was used to driving 20 or 30 minutes to get most places in the Springs, since we lived on the north-eastern edge of town. We currently live north(ish?) of where my parents live, so I am having to get used to the fact that some things are south of me.

4. Caleb's moldability. He has started saying, unprompted, "choo choo train after dinner" when we put him in the high chair, even at snack time or breakfast time. It's so great to see (and hear) confirmation that he is absorbing at least some of our instruction! I have started reading Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson, and want to re-read Shepherding a Child's Heart and dive into Instructing a Child's Heart, both by Tedd Tripp, I believe. We need help!!!! Caleb distracts himself (and tries to distract us) when we are trying to discipline him-- recently he showed us his belly button while we were "having a talk." It's so hard to stay serious when he does stuff like that-- it's so cute!-- but at the same time it's super frustrating when he refuses to pay attention and tunes us out. It's very important that he learns to listen to us, especially in light of his new game of running away when we call him, to make us chase him. VERY bad if he were to run into the street. We are still working on that one...

5. Timing of our move. Fall Bible studies are just starting up, so we will hopefully be able to get plugged into a church fairly easily. We have visited five so far, one for each Sunday we have been here, and have some great options. I am looking forward to getting back into more of a routine with midweek Bible studies.

6. A healthy, uneventful pregnancy. Today (9/5) I had my first OB appointment with my new doctor here in CA, and it was great. (We are officially 25 weeks, 6 days today.) He wanted to do an ultrasound to check out the baby (in 2D and 3D!!!), and of course I was thrilled to get to see her! That's always a treat. Everything looked good, and measured on track with my existing due date, as far as the baby's head and abdomen size. It doesn't hurt when the doctor says you are "thin." :) It's such a miracle, so surreal to see a little human body inside you. She was kicking, too, in response to the pressing of the ultrasound probe. Very cool. I happen to think she's super cute!! Can't wait to meet her and see her up close and hold her. That's a special moment, meeting your baby for the first time.

Just chillin...

No more paparazzi, please!

7. The mild climate. It has been in the 60's and 70's here, which is 20-30 degrees cooler than it would be in Colorado Springs! When I was pregnant with Caleb in the summer, I remember being very uncomfortable, and my feet were often puffy. Here I haven't noticed having that condition once! It's more humid here too, with the nice ocean breeze; my skin always enjoys that.

8. An abundance of fresh produce. I have really been enjoying the farmer's markets here! We haven't gone to a "pick your own" place yet, but that is definitely on our family radar for sometime soon. This past weekend we went to the Avila Valley Barn with Mom and Dad and got watermelon, asparagus, corn, nectarines, strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries. SO YUMMY. I don't even like raspberries that much, but they were sooo good. I can't say I love watermelon, but maybe it's just bland, watery, pithy watermelon that I don't like. :P Fresh, primo-ripe fruit is just so good. I'm so thankful we have access to such a variety of fresh (and usually organic) fruits and veggies. I cannot WAIT for pumpkins. Caleb will really be old enough to enjoy picking out pumpkins this year, I think. Fall's my favorite season... and I love pumpkins. I just love harvest and hay and orange and red... and baking. Lots of baking. I bought the big box of butter at Costco today- four one-pound blocks, which is equivalent to 16 sticks. (Hey, it was way cheaper per pound than at the grocery store!) I usually slice the bricks into sticks, then freeze all but a couple. I have many, many good-looking recipes I want to try out-- strawberry bread, apricot breakfast muffins, autumn muffins. I LOVE cinnamon and nutmeg and cloves. I will let you know how these new recipes turn out. :)

9. My amazing husband. Not only does he give me the opportunity to have (beautiful) children, he takes care of us so well. He's so diligent, and more often than not, if I happen to run an errand while he is at home, the dishes are done when I come back! He likes to straighten, he plays with Caleb and puts him to bed most nights... He does laundry and gives good back rubs (it's a toss-up to me, which of those two is more romantic!). It's so sad to think about "falling out of love" or not wanting to be married anymore. It kills me to think about us drifting apart, and I don't want that to ever happen; I never want something to come between us. I used to wonder, How can you know if your marriage will make it? So many of them don't. So many people give up, even after 20 or 30 years of marriage. And I have decided, at this point, that I can only do my best with today, and 'a long obedience in the same direction' will Lord-willing result in a long, stable, happy marriage (happy in the sense of "we still enjoy hanging out with each other after 10 or 20 or 30 years," not in the "he will fulfill all my wishes" sense). As in so many areas, with marriage, I am responsible for being obedient to God today. It's impossible to guarantee where you might be in 20 years, but I know where I am today (most of the time!), and I can be faithful with the big or little things God has given me at this moment, whether it's changing messy diapers or respecting my husband, cleaning bathrooms or training a two-year-old. Any task can be done for God's glory, whether it's fun or not-so-fun; visible or transparent; important or just necessary.

10. Family close-by! This is a biggie, and I'm not just saying that because my mom reads my blog. :) It is such a huge blessing to be near family. We really missed that in Colorado, especially around holidays where we couldn't go home. (Looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas this year!) We get the blessing of awesome meals that I didn't have to cook, fellowship, wise counsel, a "home away from home," a place where people know you and love you... and have known you and loved you your entire life. They get the blessing of being able to invest in their grandson, and soon granddaughter, and of course their daughter and son-in-law. It has been a really neat element of moving back. We are enjoying the opportunities for date nights too, with the best babysitters around. :)

I'm sure there are many more things to recognize and appreciate, but for now I'll stop at the nice, round number of 10. :)

Talk soon,
M

Father's Day

Caleb approves! :)

Sean's finished "DAD" project. :) I originally sought a five-opening frame to make a DADDY collage but was unsuccessful in finding a frame with five side-by-side, upright openings. Oh well! 

Sean really liked it. :)

We had a lovely Father's Day! After church-- which was so encouraging-- we ate a lunch of open-faced spinach/Parmesan chicken sandwiches on homemade Italian herb bread (see below). It's a mouthful to say, but it was a spontaneous creation, since I didn't have any plans for a special meal. I used what I had on hand, and would have LOVED to slather the bread with some pesto, but we didn't have any. :) I used spicy brown mustard instead, which still gave it a nice little flavor-kick.

We ate outside in the back yard, and it was lovely.

I LOVE MY BOYS!

Caleb received a new outfit or two from his Grammy, sneaked into Sean's Father's Day package....

"I dig Daddy" indeed

He's only the cutest. thing. ever! :) I love the plaid shorts!!!

And here's just a nice family shot we got on our "date" last weekend to Wahoo's Tacos-- we had a couple free-taco coupons. God is so gracious and I love my family. :)

Chicken Caesar Salad

I am so thankful for the access we have nowadays to recipes and cooking information online!! I had a hankering for chicken caesar salad one day, so I hopped online and browsed for a few minutes. In a short time I was able to come up with recipes for caesar dressing and homemade croutons! It was a pretty awesome meal. The homemade croutons were AMAZING! I ate... several... before they made it onto the salad.

Side note: Sean is an amazing help in the kitchen, and has even cooked entire meals with only verbal input from the couch where I'm feeding Caleb... but don't tell him he actually "cooked" or he'll deny it. :) Sean offered to help this particular evening, so I said he could cut up the chicken for the salad. I had baked a complete tray of 6 chicken breasts, with the intent of using 2 or 3 of them that night, and saving the rest for another meal. We had our friends Josh and Cam over at the time, I was feeding Caleb in the bedroom, Sean was chopping, then we all sat down to eat. Yum! A hearty meal, even though it was a salad, right? I noticed the chicken was cut bigger than I would have cut it, but that's okay, he offered to help and there's nothing wrong with big hunks of chicken in a salad. Different does not equal wrong, so I could move on from that observation... and cut my pieces before eating them. I looked over at the counter, to a lonely cutting board with only dribbles of juice and chicken "crumbs."  -- Hey Sean, where's the rest of the chicken? -- Um, what chicken? You asked me to cut it up, right? -- (Ah ha! Here we come to a crucial epiphany: my intent to use only 2 breasts had remained in my mind, not verbalized to the chicken-chopper himself. He put all six breasts in the salad, hence its hearty appearance. There really was a lot of chicken in the salad, it didn't just look like a lot because it was big pieces. Mystery solved!) I couldn't be mad at him, for after all, he had no way of knowing my wishes, since I didn't share them. It took me a couple seconds, though, to let go of it.

As close as we are, we still can't read each other's minds! Go figure. :) We love being married and are so thankful God has orchestrated our paths the way He has... but this is also true: we are both sinners through and through! We do sometimes sin against each other, from selfishness or pride, despite the fact that we do love each other. Pretty refining environment. I am so thankful Sean is so patient with me. He listens to me as I try to figure out the inner workings of my heart, and has never once been unkind to me while I'm crying! He's really good at sympathizing, which I so appreciate! It's awesome to be in a relationship that shows you a little bit of God's love for you... especially when you know you can get upset over petty things like someone else putting "too much" chicken in the dinner salad. :)

What would you do...

...if your husband, who normally gets home from work at 6:30 a.m., was not home when you woke up at 7 a.m.? And if your husband's cell phone was currently not working, so he didn't have it with him?

I decided to get up, make breakfast, do my normal Bible study workbook, and try not to worry. About every five minutes, I'd pray, God, please keep him safe.

I made breakfast, sat down to eat it, and looked at the clock. I attempted to journal some in my workbook, and looked at the clock. God, please keep him safe. He's probably fine. I did some dishes, then went and washed my face, trying to maintain a normal morning routine (and looked at the clock).

I debated about whether to call the ops floor to see if he was still at work.

I decided to wait until 9 a.m. to call, and in the meantime, rehearsed what I'd say: Hi, may I speak to the MC [guy in charge], please? Hi, sir, this is Marisa Allen. My husband, Lt Sean Allen, is teaching a mid-shift course in the Mod 5/6 sim, and he hasn't come home yet. Could you please see if anyone knows where he is? (I'd feel pretty sheepish making that call, which is most of the reason I was going to wait so long.)

I thought, maybe his car broke down somewhere along the way-- 14 miles of pretty-rustic roads, replete with cow fields, cracked asphalt, and not much traffic. The base is out in the boonies, but people do work there, so maybe someone will drive by. And he's got no cell phone, so he either has to wait for that someone to stop, or try and find a farm or somebody with a telephone.

I wondered if I should drive out along the route he normally takes and see if that was in fact the case: stranded husband ran out of gas halfway home.

I thought, maybe they locked down the portals (telephone-booth-like structures dividing the "restricted area" where he works from the rest of the base) and they're not letting anyone in or out. This happens somewhat often, delaying people for 30 or 45 minutes, or more.

I thought about calling my mom: um, Sean's not home yet. Do you think I should call the ops floor? Or can you pray for me? But it was pretty early in the morning and I didn't want to alarm her unnecessarily. Again, feeling sheepish.

I wondered how long it would take our extended circles of friends to find out about his untimely demise (assuming he'd been mugged, in a car accident, or whatever). Would they find out on Facebook? How awful. Where would we have the funeral? I know he doesn't want to have a military funeral. The squadron will suffer with losing another member-- we went to a memorial service for one of Sean's peers just last month, a suicide. At least I have a black maternity dress. I don't want to have this baby by myself!! I really don't want to be without him! I'll raise a fatherless child! Will someone marry me someday? How will I get through the grief? Should I stay in Colorado? Move back to California? Get a job? Sell the house, pay off the house? Who do I ask for help with those decisions, since Sean is my best friend and co-decision-maker?

By 8:30, I was tired of wandering around the house with my thoughts, unsettled. I had the cell phone in hand, literally about to call, when the front door opened and in walked my husband, in his flightsuit, backpack on, perfectly fine. He was a little surprised when I walked over, clung to him and burst into tears. I wouldn't say I was hysterical, but I was definitely shaken. I knew, even at that time, that I was probably over-reacting, and he'd have every reason to wonder why I was crying so hard. Good morning to you, too? I wasn't mad at him, just torn up at the thought of losing him. He held me and shushed me and was very patient. (Can I blame pregnancy hormones on this?)

Turns out, he had decided to take care of some paperwork after his shift ended, and it took awhile. But he was fine, and it hadn't occurred to him to call and let me know he was staying later-- didn't occur to him his wife would let her worries explode and rob her of peace as the minutes crept by. He was very apologetic, had no idea it would be so traumatic for me, and we've established that he'll try to call if his schedule changes, and I'll choose not to worry. :)

This whole incident is a great example of NOT trusting God, NOT taking captive my thoughts. I was trying to pray, kinda sorta, but still didn't "think on what is true." I wasn't exactly successful at banishing the scary thoughts I was having. Absolutely nothing bad happened, but I was antsy and tense, and I hated not knowing.

That's what faith is for: trusting something you can't see, choosing to believe it's sturdy enough to bear the burden of your trust. And that's our struggle, having an incomplete picture, always incomplete, with facts and insights missing, though we trust they are there. We trust there is someone bigger, wiser, more powerful than we are who is not only powerful, but good and perfect and capable of bringing about the absolute best outcome. "Best" doesn't mean the same thing to us as it does to God, because we wonder how suffering could ever be good, but we can know He will work all things for good.

Hopefully my little story is entertaining, but more importantly, I hope it's an encouragement to trust God. Even when we don't know the details. Especially when we don't know the details. 'Cause you know what? Even if something bad had happened to Sean, it would be okay. God would sustain me, and everyone else who would grieve. God could even bring good out of it, somehow, in that crazy way of His. We do have hope for the future, not only hope that we will see Sean again, but hope that there is life beyond this one! If we have hope in Christ, we have the certainty of being forgiven, of being accepted by God not on merit of our good deeds, but because the blood of Christ covers us. We don't have to pin all our happiness on an earthly life, nor should we. It's not about our efforts of being good, earning love, or pleasing people. It's not even about being married for a lifetime-- as much as I do want to have many, many years together with my sweet love. Even a lifetime is a limited quantity of time, versus eternity, which is, well, eternal.

Anyway, it's too late to remain coherent, so I will end here, for now. Hopefully next time something like this happens, I'll remember this whole episode and choose a different response when bombarded with irrational fears. :)

Pinnin' On 1LT

!
The actual pinning-on (I only dropped one of the insignia, and someone was gracious enough to pick it up for me!)

YAY!!!!!!

Renewing their oath of office

Take me out to the ballgame!

Red Rock Canyon Hike

I feel like the luckiest (ok, most blessed) woman alive. We live in a beautiful place, and I get to be a wife to a wonderful man. We absolutely love being married to each other, and I still occasionally get this guilty feeling like somehow we're getting away with something sneaky and someone's going to find out and take it away. Can we really be independent adults who have their own house and life together? Do I really get to spend each day with my best friend? It's incredible and surreal (though not perfect, of course).

And yes, we're still newlyweds, but I do believe God created marriage as a "very good" thing. It was not good for the man to be alone. I hate being alone. God specially created a counterpart, a helper for the man. Companionship is amazing and it is such a gift to be with a likeminded person. Sin taints that relationship, of course, as it does all things that God made. But there can still be some very sweet moments on the earth because God is good and there are significant traces of His good design everywhere.

Here are some photos from a hike we went on the other day (ok, May 17). It was raining a bit on the way as we drove, but we decided to try anyway, and I'm glad we did. It was barely sprinkling as we set out, but didn't feel cold at all. I even worked up a little sweat, and it felt so good to stretch our muscles. The sun came out as we sat on a big rock to eat our snack, and we enjoyed the refreshing beauty of Creation, along with the fresh scent of rain-sprinkled earth.

In the distance is Garden of the Gods, a fairly famous park of red-rock formations

Me and my best friend  :)
(a little secret: my grin gets a little crooked when I am really happy)

The Spa at the Broadmoor (Mother's Day, Part Two)

I was definitely pleased with our exquisite dinner date at the Mona Lisa, and thought Sean did an A+ job of celebrating our first Mother's Day. I had worked hard at not getting my expectations up. (Ok, so I hung a Mother's Day card I got from my mom on the fridge, but that's it! Didn't hint or remind in any other way.) Holidays like that tend to be more important to women than to men, and I realize it's just not on their radar most of the time. We rarely eat out, so it was a real treat to go to a fancy place. I felt cherished and special, and didn't expect anything else....

...but one day, I discovered a few mystery entries on our calendar for the Wednesday following Mother's Day: "10am Brkfst @ Lake Terrace," and "1140-1250 Swedish massage." Hmm.... I didn't want to assume it was for me. But when I first saw the calendar, Sean was sleeping after a mid shift (11pm-7am), so I couldn't ask him. When he did wake up, he asked me to go add his upcoming PT test to our calendar, at which point I said, speaking of calendars... and he confirmed those mystery appointments were for us!

Turns out, Sean had arranged another treat for us to celebrate Mother's Day, and secretly wrote it on the calendar to see when I would notice it. (He didn't wait very long for me to notice it, though! I discovered it the morning after he wrote it, and he brought it up, albeit circuitously, the first time we talked after he had written it sneakily. Anyway....)

The Lake Terrace is a fancy-shmancy restaurant at the old Broadmoor Hotel, an historic haven tucked away in the outskirts of Colorado Springs. The Lake Terrace boasts a gorgeous view of "the grounds" and the namesake lake, all meticulously groomed and landscaped. When you eat there, you really feel like you should sit up straight and be careful with your cloth napkin and crystal water goblet. There's even a dress code! Minimum: nice jeans, please. Collared shirts or slacks desired. The entire complex is fancy-- from the valet parking, to tapestries and gigantic flower arrangements everywhere inside, to the lush carpets and velvet-upholstered wing chairs cozied up to huge fireplaces, and wicker baskets of little rolled-up terry cloth towels with which to dry your hands in the powder room-- a place frequented mostly by rich-looking older gentlemen and ladies. :)

There also happens to be a spa associated with the Broadmoor Hotel... where Sean scheduled both of us for massages! That is one smart guy I married. What else is he supposed to do while I get my (specially-requested prenatal) massage? The staff members supply you with thick terry robes and rubber slides, along with a locker for your personal items, and there are rooms stocked with lemon- or cucumber-water and fresh fruit, for after the massage (or facial) as you rest on a padded chaise chair and overlook the golf course next to the mountains. It was ultra fancy! After the massage (which was amazing!!), I felt a little lost at times in the women's area, wandering through the aromatherapy rooms, shower and vanity area, and lounge rooms (with fireplace, reading materials, padded arm chairs, and table arrayed with dried fruit and nuts in glass canisters). It was a unique experience, another thing we've never tried before, and I'm pretty sure it cleaned out our "date night/getaway" savings fund... but that's why we have one. We do want to save up for special things like this.


On our way to our massages after breakfast!

The Mona Lisa (Mother's Day, Part One)

For Mother's Day, Sean took me to a very romantic fondue restaurant in nearby Manitou Springs, a quaint town with shops and restaurants housed in architecturally interesting buildings (some look very Victorian). My understanding is that Manitou began as a mining town during the Colorado gold rush. Anyway... it was a beautiful setting with delicious food, and so wonderful to get away with my beloved. We've never done anything like it before (fondue restaurant), so it was fun to try. I felt a little awkward with the silverware at times (is it okay to eat the morsels directly from the long, skinny fondue fork? or should I place the food on my plate and retrieve it with the regular fork?) but it was very fun nonetheless.


lovely setting next to our table

Here we are with our specialty salad, the first of four courses, which we both thought was one of the best salads we've ever had! Spinach with dried cranberries, mandarin oranges, bleu cheese, and an incredible dressing, the contents of which I don't recall. :)

Here's the meat course, which you cook yourself at the table: two kinds of steak, salmon, sausage, chicken, and shrimp, accompanied by six or seven gourmet dipping sauces. I must admit I was a little concerned about handling raw meat (or contaminating my fork) but we managed. :)

I didn't catch a photo of the second course: "Old World" cheese sauce (with gruyere!) complemented by bread, raw fruit, and fresh veggies to dip... or the final course: milk chocolate sauce with assorted fruit and desserts to dip (strawberries, pretzels, cheesecake, angel food cake, wheat crackers, marshmallows, chocolate cake).

It was amazing, and worth the time and cost-- we were there about two hours... and it's not a cheap meal. We were soooo stuffed afterward. :) I really enjoyed how we appreciated each bite and concentrated on the flavors. Just another way to enjoy what God has thought up!

Just Because!

Sean bought me orange tulips the other day, just because, and they were so beautiful!!! I love tulips, and have been seeing them (and other plant life) springing up all over town. Lawns are starting to green, and trees have visible life to them. It's exciting! Enjoy these flowers with me. :) I am so blessed!

My little attempt at green-thumbing. This little sprout is supposed to be a daisy plant; we'll see how it does! I planted 10 seeds in the pot and only one has come up so far. I bought some nasturtium seeds a few weeks ago and look forward to planting them this summer. I'm definitely looking forward to expanding my plant menagerie here, after deciding to leave all my plants behind in California. Little by little, house plants can be acquired, either from seeds or purchasing existing plants. :) God's creation is so incredible and diverse.

Home, Sweet... Visit

I'm here in California, after flying in yesterday morning! With a 4 a.m. getup for a 6 a.m. flight, it was a long day (about 20 hours by the time I went to bed), but a very good day. Aside from a little turbulence in the tiny plane from LAX to SMX, it was a smooth trip! My wonderful husband packed my bag for me the night before I left (after I laid out all the items on the bed, then crashed on the other side of the bed from exhaustion), and prepared me a nice eggs-and-toast breakfast that morning, and drove me to the airport. He is amazingly good to me, and I am so thankful for him. So privileged to be married to him! My parents picked me up at the airport, and I lost it, almost sobbing in my mom's arms. Mostly because I threw up as we landed (glad it was at the very end!), but also because I was overcome with being "home." It's funny how attached you can become to a place, but I must admit I got a little teary-eyed when I first caught the Pacific in my window when we took off from LAX. It is so soothing to see it again, and to recognize the roads from the air as we came in to Santa Maria, and to get reacquainted with the strawberry fields.

Though this has been "home" for so long, since October 1997, it is no longer completely home because Sean is not here. I find that so interesting! It's familiar, but I've changed. I have a "Colorado me" now, and the "single California me" is a chapter in history. We may end up stationed back here, but that is in the future and only God knows where He will lead us in our life-adventure. For now, I am here to pack up all my earthly possessions, including an abundance of wedding presents (yay!!) and transport them to our home in Colorado. I'm no longer concerned with just me; my concerns envelop us. I am excited to visit with dear friends and my wonderful parents, who are uber excited about my arrival.

God's timing is so perfect! We have waited a long time for our house, but now it is spring; things are green and growing, and I am in my second trimester and have more energy. Back home in Colorado Springs, it is spring break this week, so I am not missing any of my normal activities. When I came back to Santa Maria, I observed it's the same here, but not the same. I am glad to sit back and let someone else do the cooking for a few days (I still offer to do the dishes), and am pleased to have a restful-yet-busy visit with people I miss and love. I am still my parents' daughter and always will be, but I am a married, adult daughter now, so our relationship is transitioning a bit. It's good. I am glad to be here for a visit, glad to be out of limbo (hopefully) and moving toward a goal of having our own home to use as a tool for God (and to be able to nest our little family in it!!). We are scheduled to close on the house on April 2nd, but we are still praying and trusting God for the outcome. I am learning it is wise to hold off on getting too excited until things are for-sure, in-writing secure. True security is found only in God, not in material things or earthly events. We are learning so much through this experience; it's been very valuable. I feel older than I was when I left (which I am, five months older). But I feel wiser too, for which I am thankful.

Mood swings during pregnancy

I recently read an article from BabyCenter.com that had me going, yes, yes, yes! That is me. Here are a couple excerpts. If you've been pregnant before, you can relate. If you haven't, it will explain a bit what pregnancy can be like. :) I don't want to become so absorbed with this adventure that I fail to care about other people and what they are going through. Just know that I share my life as I see it (our newlywed Colorado life!), and this is a big thing we're experiencing right now.

Pregnancy can be a stressful and overwhelming time. You may be overjoyed at the thought of having a baby one day, and then just as quickly begin wondering what you've gotten yourself into. You may be worried about whether you'll be a good mom, whether the baby will be healthy, and how the cost of adding a child to your household will affect your family's future finances. 

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You may be worried about putting on too much weight or looking "fat" as your body expands to accommodate pregnancy, while at the same time feeling that you can't exercise as much as you might want to or used to.


Finally, the physical symptoms of pregnancy, such as heartburn, fatigue, and frequent urination, can also be a burden. It's not uncommon to feel like you've lost control over your body and your life during this time. All these concerns may take your emotions on a roller-coaster ride.

Um, yes. I have been particularly messed up the last few days, as in crying for seemingly no reason and really down and in a funk (and experiencing lots of heartburn!). I have been feeling guilty about not exercising, yet I have felt so exhausted I can hardly get daily tasks done. I wonder if I will be patient and kind as a mother, or get exasperated and raise my voice. I wonder how I'll handle the lack of sleep, since I've already learned from college days that I get cranky and/or grumpy more easily when I'm tired. It shortens the fuse. I'm wondering how the transition of early post-partum days will go. I've been struggling with my emotions in general, over- and under-reacting to situations, which affects Sean. I'm hoping and praying that God supplies grace for each moment when I come to it-- I know He will. But it's a huge question mark hovering over the future. I'm a little scared of failure, of messing up, or worse yet, messing up my kid!

I am excited too, because I know it will be an incredible experience. Holding in your arms a wee, separate human being that once lived and developed for months inside you, that you and your spouse helped create-- parts of both of you already visible in a tiny button nose, or maybe the length of the fingers or toes, or the shape of the eyes. Watching a child discover the world, starting with discovering their own hands to suck on, or being captivated by bright colors and fuzzy toys. Being there when they learn to smile, or sit up, or laugh. I can't wait to make my baby laugh and nuzzle my nose into his belly-- mommies and daddies get the best responses, after all. I can't wait to feel her soft cheeks and examine her fingertips one by one, or admire the fine eyelashes that feather her eyes. I know it can be extremely rewarding, and is certainly extremely challenging. It will change our lives forever, and I'm looking forward to maturing more because of it. I'm actually glad pregnancy is so long, because it gives you time to think about things and prepare yourself for them, even if the actual experience ends up being different than you anticipated and planned for, which it invariably is. :)

The only part of the article I didn't completely agree with was the "solutions" to these struggles. Basically, the advice was pamper yourself, be easier on yourself, do things to make yourself happy. While I definitely think it's okay to take naps or give yourself a little slack (especially if you are a driven, competitive person like me), it's not all about me. I have a responsibility to respond correctly to situations, even when dealing with crazy hormones. Love is a choice; obedience to what I know to be true is a choice. I can choose what to think about, even when I feel overwhelmed or "stuck" in a certain mindset. I can choose to be kind to my husband even when he accidentally hurts my feelings, or unintentionally belittles the symptoms I'm dealing with. The presence of hormones is no excuse to sin, frankly. That sounds harsh, but God gives grace for anything, including pregnancy hormones!

The "bond with your partner" advice was good-- share what you're feeling so they can understand (or at least try to understand). I saw this in our life the other day, when we were talking about working out and I mentioned I missed running. (I do wish I had not gotten out of the habit of running when we moved here in October.) Sean said, not uncaringly, "you're not going to get in better shape by not running." Very true, but I then told him, I don't think you understand how tired I have been. He conceded he didn't know what it felt like to be pregnant. :) That day we went for a 30-minute walk with a slight hill at the end, after which I was quite fatigued and promptly laid down when we got home. That helped him see. Hopefully it will get better in the second trimester! I must say Sean is very understanding and our only issues have been very minor (and at least 50% my fault, if not more). He is very sweet, and good about getting me water or snacks, or letting me nap, or rubbing my back. He's the best! More than I could have asked for in a life partner. And I'm excited to get to go on this adventure with him. Can't wait to see him with our baby. I know it's a huge dream of his to have lots of kids. Mine too. :)

V Day 2010

So... I decided to be sneaky and create a romantic dinner environment for Sean when he got home from work on the thirteenth of February. A little preemption never hurt anyone. :) I took the above picture because that table is very. Very. Heavy. Much heavier than it looks, especially the glass. I took the below picture because I was a little dubious about being able to get the glass back on top of the base, after rolling it from the common area into our bedroom. What was I thinking?

Thankfully, a few Strecker males (landlord family) were home and helped me out after I explained, only a little sheepishly, my plan. I covered the table with a lovely tablecloth Sean's mom got us for Christmas (doesn't look too much like poinsettias on it, does it? Good thing red is also an appropriate color for Valentine's Day).

 

I made a "you and me" slideshow of photos of us throughout our history together, complete with romantic/favorite music of ours.

I got all dolled up and even curled my hair and put on a dress!

For mood lighting: a personalized lantern to shed soft light on our dinner table, honey-vanilla tea light within and others scattered over dresser-tops. This component of the ensemble was also a Christmas gift, this time from Mark and Heather.

Sean was definitely surprised when he got home, and I was giddy to show him. We had a very sweet second V-Day together. I am so grateful he is in my life!