Chicken Caesar Salad

I am so thankful for the access we have nowadays to recipes and cooking information online!! I had a hankering for chicken caesar salad one day, so I hopped online and browsed for a few minutes. In a short time I was able to come up with recipes for caesar dressing and homemade croutons! It was a pretty awesome meal. The homemade croutons were AMAZING! I ate... several... before they made it onto the salad.

Side note: Sean is an amazing help in the kitchen, and has even cooked entire meals with only verbal input from the couch where I'm feeding Caleb... but don't tell him he actually "cooked" or he'll deny it. :) Sean offered to help this particular evening, so I said he could cut up the chicken for the salad. I had baked a complete tray of 6 chicken breasts, with the intent of using 2 or 3 of them that night, and saving the rest for another meal. We had our friends Josh and Cam over at the time, I was feeding Caleb in the bedroom, Sean was chopping, then we all sat down to eat. Yum! A hearty meal, even though it was a salad, right? I noticed the chicken was cut bigger than I would have cut it, but that's okay, he offered to help and there's nothing wrong with big hunks of chicken in a salad. Different does not equal wrong, so I could move on from that observation... and cut my pieces before eating them. I looked over at the counter, to a lonely cutting board with only dribbles of juice and chicken "crumbs."  -- Hey Sean, where's the rest of the chicken? -- Um, what chicken? You asked me to cut it up, right? -- (Ah ha! Here we come to a crucial epiphany: my intent to use only 2 breasts had remained in my mind, not verbalized to the chicken-chopper himself. He put all six breasts in the salad, hence its hearty appearance. There really was a lot of chicken in the salad, it didn't just look like a lot because it was big pieces. Mystery solved!) I couldn't be mad at him, for after all, he had no way of knowing my wishes, since I didn't share them. It took me a couple seconds, though, to let go of it.

As close as we are, we still can't read each other's minds! Go figure. :) We love being married and are so thankful God has orchestrated our paths the way He has... but this is also true: we are both sinners through and through! We do sometimes sin against each other, from selfishness or pride, despite the fact that we do love each other. Pretty refining environment. I am so thankful Sean is so patient with me. He listens to me as I try to figure out the inner workings of my heart, and has never once been unkind to me while I'm crying! He's really good at sympathizing, which I so appreciate! It's awesome to be in a relationship that shows you a little bit of God's love for you... especially when you know you can get upset over petty things like someone else putting "too much" chicken in the dinner salad. :)

Homemade Cinnamon Rolls

These cinnamon rolls are worth the time commitment. Start to finish, it takes about 3 hours to "make" cinnamon rolls. I snagged a recipe off allrecipes.com that works great. If I happen to get up early on a Saturday morning while Sean happens to sleep in (both don't often coincide the same day, as we often have things we want to do that benefit from getting a good n' early start on the day!), and if the urge strikes me, I'll start some dough in the maker and whip up breakfast for us both-- coffee, eggs, toast, or oatmeal, OJ-- while the machine does the work for me. (Since the process takes awhile, usually we have breakfast, and go about our business, then later eat the yummy, finished cinnamon rolls, either around 11 for a pre-lunch snack, or later for a mid-afternoon snack.)

I am grateful to have a bread machine, which makes the dough part easy!! The first time I attempted these cinnamon rolls, I naively used highly active yeast, which does NOT work the same as normal, active dry yeast, as we discovered. Those rolls were more like swirly bricks. :) Still yummy, but I think there are a few in the freezer even now. We know that if food items survive, even in the freezer, that something needs to be amended in the recipe. :) I recently threw out about 1/3 of a cake that was sitting in the freezer-- sliced, frosted, and ready to go-- and had been residing in the freezer since May 2010. Ahem. I know this because it had blue frosting, and I had coated blue a yellow bundt cake in my zeal to celebrate after we found out we were going to have a baby boy. The only problem is, neither Sean nor I really care for cake (unless it's Mom's inside-out chocolate bundt cake, which his sinfully chocolate-y.) So we ate most of this blue-tinged dessert, but the rest got stuffed in the freezer, taking up valuable space... until I purged it. I just couldn't force myself to eat it, especially since I'm within a few pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight! The other day I was excited to be exactly what I weighed right before I got pregnant, then realized two of the numbers were inverted. It was only a difference of about three pounds, but still! I'll take what I can get, where willpower toward sweet things is concerned.

I'll often make and freeze whole batches of Cheddar Bay biscuits (taste just like Red Lobster's), pumpkin choc.chip muffins, cookies, or rolls, just so we can have them ready for later (Sean's lunches, spontaneous dinner guests, etc.). Talk about convenient! I really think making food from scratch doesn't take very long, and it's way better for you! You know exactly what goes into things, and you can probably pronounce all the ingredients, unlike packaged things! I've made a batch of breakfast burritos a time or two, which are really handy for early mornings. I package the Cheddar Bay biscuits in baggies by two's, single-serving size. I buy 5 pounds of beef at a time, cook it all at once in my big saucepan, and portion it out between six quart-size plastic bags.  I also cook a huge amount of chicken breasts (esp. when on sale!), cube it, and freeze it in 2- to 3- cup portions in quart Ziploc bags. Most of my dinner recipes can be modified to just throw in the chicken  or beef, already-cooked (instead of cooking it then as part of the recipe), and having meat cut up makes it go further. But I digress.

These cinnamon rolls were..... mm mmm good!



Dough rolled out thin with melted butter and cinnamon/sugar mix

Rising in the pan

After baking, and having risen nicely...

And of course, cinnamon rolls would NOT be complete without a vanilla glaze! They were deelish!

Next post: a meatless meal that was tres bien! Sean didn't even mind that it didn't have any meat in it! But he is cool like that-- ever a huge fan of my cooking. :)

Think Pink

Well, I'll keep this short, because I think I have pinkeye, and looking at a computer screen is about the worst thing to do when you have some light sensitivity going on (also makes watching a movie or reading a book a less-than-pleasant way to convalesce, to my chagrin). How I got it, I do not know. I don't go a ton of places, and Caleb seems fine (I hope he doesn't get it), so it's a big mystery. I will go to the urgent care clinic with Sean once he gets home from work, since I don't feel I can see well enough to drive.

Does a practice become a tradition if it happens two years in a row? I hope so! I made some mini chocolate peanut butter cups for Sean, as I did last year, so that will be our Valentine treat or way of celebrating, I think.  We have cinched our budget belt pretty tight, so we don't have a whole lot we're willing to put into the "discretionary" category. I've even started cutting my own hair! Barring the fact that it's attached to my own head, I actually think women's hair might be a little easier than men's-- for after all, we can curl it or put it up to disguise any unevenness, but on a guy (at least a military guy with short hair), what you see is what you get. It's right there next to their scalp for all to see. I've gotten a lot better at cutting Sean's, so that it's at least as good as what he gets from Great Clips, which can be hit or miss depending on the stylist he gets. I don't know, maybe I think that because the "fade" portion of the guy's cut is still a little challenging for me.

It's hard to believe we have been in our home almost a whole year! Last year at this time, we were renting a suite from our realtor. I was a few months pregnant, and we had dinner "in" for Valentine's Day, instead of eating out. We are so thankful for our home! It's cozy and plenty big, and such a refuge for both of us. God has been very gracious to us.

Ta ta for now! I'm off to rest my eyes. Food posts coming soon, hopefully!

Chicken Fajita Pizza

(ed: This was a not-yet-published post from last summer-- enjoy!)

This was a tasty new recipe for the month of August! I am discovering how amazingly wonderful it is to have components of a meal cooked (or chopped) beforehand, because then you can just throw it all together! This recipe included cubed chicken breast (and random note, I've taken to buying and cooking about 5 lbs. of ground beef at a time and freezing it in one-pound bags, ready to add to spaghetti or tacos or whatever), green and red bell pepper, onion, cheese, and of course fajita seasoning. It was delicious, but I'd like to try it with a homemade crust. I haven't priced it out, but store-bought pizza crust HAS to be more expensive than making it yourself. I haven't really found anything that is cheaper to buy pre-made. You can even make your own taco seasoning mix, which I plan on doing!

We had enough dough to make a square pan pizza and a round pizza on Sean's baking stone.

Sauteing the peppers and onions.

 
This was a scrumptious meal! Both Sean and I have since realized we prefer bell peppers raw, but for fajita-type dishes or stuffed peppers they are okay. :)

I'm back!

Hello! So... it's been awhile. :) I dropped blogging shortly before my sweet boy Caleb was born, but now feel that I have both the time and inclination to resume writing and posting, especially since he's been taking such good naps during the day! (much rejoicing...)

Life is really hard and really messy sometimes. God is really good and really strong all the time. That's a good way to sum up recent life, I think. I've decided to be real and actively include Sean's daughter Nalani on this blog. She's part of our life, and it feels fake and sanitized to be silent on that front. The situation provides a constant challenge to love someone who is antagonistic toward you (Nalani's mother), and to actively practice trusting God to be sovereign, wise, and loving, as we know He is. We had a wonderful visit with Nalani over Christmas, so I would like to post some pictures of our time with her. Stay tuned!

I've been working at getting over my aversion to running outside in the winter weather. California has spoiled me. :) So far, I've run five or six times with gloves, ear warmers, hoodie, underarmour long-sleeve shirt and pants. It's still kind of a weird feeling to run with so many clothes on, but it feels so good to get some heart-pumping exercise. (Last time I took off the gloves about 10 minutes into it.) We Skype with Nalani twice a week for about 15 minutes each, Thursdays and Sundays, so on Thursdays Sean gets to come home a little early from work. We've been trying to arrange it so I go for a run after we Skype while Sean watches Caleb, so that's at least twice a week we have a time slot for me to run! I can now handle temps in the 30's-- have tested that hypothesis! Temps in the 20's... haven't attempted yet. I read an article that claimed the burning-lung-and-throat feeling you get from the cold air goes away over time. Sounds fun, right? Sean and I plan to sign up for a St. Patrick's Day 5k in the Springs, as extra motivation. I can run for about 30 minutes straight now, but it's very s-l-o-w. Taking a year off from running means you gotta work back up to both rate and distance! I am thankful that I seem to have lost the baby weight (it's hard to tell sometimes with those winter "survival instinct" cravings that cause you to gain a protective layer of fat to survive the cold!).

I've also been trying new recipes! Soon to come, posts on:
Sweet Potato Ragout
Orange Barley Chicken
Homemade Cinnamon Rolls
Chicken Caesar Salad (w/ homemade dressing and homemade croutons!)

Thanks for listening. :) Until next time...

What would you do...

...if your husband, who normally gets home from work at 6:30 a.m., was not home when you woke up at 7 a.m.? And if your husband's cell phone was currently not working, so he didn't have it with him?

I decided to get up, make breakfast, do my normal Bible study workbook, and try not to worry. About every five minutes, I'd pray, God, please keep him safe.

I made breakfast, sat down to eat it, and looked at the clock. I attempted to journal some in my workbook, and looked at the clock. God, please keep him safe. He's probably fine. I did some dishes, then went and washed my face, trying to maintain a normal morning routine (and looked at the clock).

I debated about whether to call the ops floor to see if he was still at work.

I decided to wait until 9 a.m. to call, and in the meantime, rehearsed what I'd say: Hi, may I speak to the MC [guy in charge], please? Hi, sir, this is Marisa Allen. My husband, Lt Sean Allen, is teaching a mid-shift course in the Mod 5/6 sim, and he hasn't come home yet. Could you please see if anyone knows where he is? (I'd feel pretty sheepish making that call, which is most of the reason I was going to wait so long.)

I thought, maybe his car broke down somewhere along the way-- 14 miles of pretty-rustic roads, replete with cow fields, cracked asphalt, and not much traffic. The base is out in the boonies, but people do work there, so maybe someone will drive by. And he's got no cell phone, so he either has to wait for that someone to stop, or try and find a farm or somebody with a telephone.

I wondered if I should drive out along the route he normally takes and see if that was in fact the case: stranded husband ran out of gas halfway home.

I thought, maybe they locked down the portals (telephone-booth-like structures dividing the "restricted area" where he works from the rest of the base) and they're not letting anyone in or out. This happens somewhat often, delaying people for 30 or 45 minutes, or more.

I thought about calling my mom: um, Sean's not home yet. Do you think I should call the ops floor? Or can you pray for me? But it was pretty early in the morning and I didn't want to alarm her unnecessarily. Again, feeling sheepish.

I wondered how long it would take our extended circles of friends to find out about his untimely demise (assuming he'd been mugged, in a car accident, or whatever). Would they find out on Facebook? How awful. Where would we have the funeral? I know he doesn't want to have a military funeral. The squadron will suffer with losing another member-- we went to a memorial service for one of Sean's peers just last month, a suicide. At least I have a black maternity dress. I don't want to have this baby by myself!! I really don't want to be without him! I'll raise a fatherless child! Will someone marry me someday? How will I get through the grief? Should I stay in Colorado? Move back to California? Get a job? Sell the house, pay off the house? Who do I ask for help with those decisions, since Sean is my best friend and co-decision-maker?

By 8:30, I was tired of wandering around the house with my thoughts, unsettled. I had the cell phone in hand, literally about to call, when the front door opened and in walked my husband, in his flightsuit, backpack on, perfectly fine. He was a little surprised when I walked over, clung to him and burst into tears. I wouldn't say I was hysterical, but I was definitely shaken. I knew, even at that time, that I was probably over-reacting, and he'd have every reason to wonder why I was crying so hard. Good morning to you, too? I wasn't mad at him, just torn up at the thought of losing him. He held me and shushed me and was very patient. (Can I blame pregnancy hormones on this?)

Turns out, he had decided to take care of some paperwork after his shift ended, and it took awhile. But he was fine, and it hadn't occurred to him to call and let me know he was staying later-- didn't occur to him his wife would let her worries explode and rob her of peace as the minutes crept by. He was very apologetic, had no idea it would be so traumatic for me, and we've established that he'll try to call if his schedule changes, and I'll choose not to worry. :)

This whole incident is a great example of NOT trusting God, NOT taking captive my thoughts. I was trying to pray, kinda sorta, but still didn't "think on what is true." I wasn't exactly successful at banishing the scary thoughts I was having. Absolutely nothing bad happened, but I was antsy and tense, and I hated not knowing.

That's what faith is for: trusting something you can't see, choosing to believe it's sturdy enough to bear the burden of your trust. And that's our struggle, having an incomplete picture, always incomplete, with facts and insights missing, though we trust they are there. We trust there is someone bigger, wiser, more powerful than we are who is not only powerful, but good and perfect and capable of bringing about the absolute best outcome. "Best" doesn't mean the same thing to us as it does to God, because we wonder how suffering could ever be good, but we can know He will work all things for good.

Hopefully my little story is entertaining, but more importantly, I hope it's an encouragement to trust God. Even when we don't know the details. Especially when we don't know the details. 'Cause you know what? Even if something bad had happened to Sean, it would be okay. God would sustain me, and everyone else who would grieve. God could even bring good out of it, somehow, in that crazy way of His. We do have hope for the future, not only hope that we will see Sean again, but hope that there is life beyond this one! If we have hope in Christ, we have the certainty of being forgiven, of being accepted by God not on merit of our good deeds, but because the blood of Christ covers us. We don't have to pin all our happiness on an earthly life, nor should we. It's not about our efforts of being good, earning love, or pleasing people. It's not even about being married for a lifetime-- as much as I do want to have many, many years together with my sweet love. Even a lifetime is a limited quantity of time, versus eternity, which is, well, eternal.

Anyway, it's too late to remain coherent, so I will end here, for now. Hopefully next time something like this happens, I'll remember this whole episode and choose a different response when bombarded with irrational fears. :)

Luke and Emily Hawkins

The Wedding

Luke D. Hawkins and Emily D. Forman got married on July 17, 201o-- exactly nine months after Sean and I got married on Oct. 17, 2009-- at the Cayucos Creek Barn in Cayucos, CA. It was a beautiful wedding, expressive, emotive, and very vintage, just like they are. One extremely neat feature was their guest book: a mint-green typewriter on which guests could peck out a line or two (see photo at top-right, my dear friend Amie demonstrating her technique). The bride and groom included thoughtful touches like lighting candles for both Luke's dad and sister, who have passed away, as well as diverse readings by four of their friends-- one, a Scripture passage; one, an excerpt from a book; another, reading a humorous one-line quote. I always appreciate how weddings remind me of my own vows. Now that I am married, I don't have to wistfully wonder if the pastor's words will someday apply to me. Instead, I see those words as a charge, to renew my own commitment to my husband and remember the ultimate aim of marriage on earth: to reflect the beauty of Christ and the Church, His tender love for His Bride and her devotion to her groom.

The Back Story
Luke and I go way back, and it's hard to imagine a truer friend. We have had deep discussions about A.W. Tozer and C. S. Lewis (all great theological writers seem to have initials for names); we took French together for three years in high school; we went to coffee; we went to plays put on by the local junior college, one of which-- Crazy for You-- sparked a "define the relationship" talk, which culminated in "just friends." In fact, we took a couple classes together both at good ole Allan Hancock College (aforementioned j.c.) as well as The Master's College, where I got my degree. We were both English majors for a time, until I defected to Liberal Studies. He finished his English BA at Cal Poly SLO, a university not far from Santa Maria. He's a sensitive soul, a "thoughtful thinker" and articulate writer, the depth of whose insights are much too deep for me. Even his penmanship is careful and calligraphic.

At one point, I would have said our personalities were all-but-identical, but after high school our lives diverged and vastly different experiences shaped each of us. We were kindred spirits, good friends, peas in a pod. After some time, I felt like we had both changed so much that I no longer understood him quite as well, but that did not negate our historical friendship. I am very thankful for him, because he pours out his life into other people. He has suffered great grief and his character is strong. He loves well, and I am certain his life will be well-spent. I am ecstatic he now has a life-partner to share it with! Emily is an incredible person, I am certain. No mediocre, indifferent soul could be a match for Luke. I am very thankful I was able to witness the beginning of their marriage.